I exercised silence in hopes of finding my voice once again - but it's still missing.
The feeling that I have nothing to offer persists. Nothing that anyone would give a rat's ass about, anyway. My melancholia is evident in spades, and I resent it!
This time of year is usually my favorite. The cooler days; the languid afternoon sun shining down at awkward, elongated angles; shorter hours of daylight; falling evening temps; the changing colors of the trees and foliage around the yard. It all normally buoys my spirit and raises my happiness meter to new heights.... but not this year - and I don't know why.
Over the past few weeks I have hidden away from all of my normal activities. Found a deep recess in the attic space of my psyche and burrowed in, wholly surrendering to oblivion and ennui. Eshewed the handful of brilliantly sunlit days (when I would normally revel in them with my quilting projects) and ignored the overabundant dark and rainy days, keeping myself cloistered and walled off from the daily disappointment of the less-than-satisfactory responses to job applications (mostly), the ignorant SPAM comments being shovelled in this direction, and the daily barrage of Karl's strange, Autistic-shunning friend seeking help and guidance she laughingly will not give credence to.
She is a time waster and an emotional drain. An 'ask hole,' and unworthy of the space in my head and the indigestion she has caused. A walking whirlwind of discontent. But, she is another story for
I've told you already, she is a drain, and I won't go there any more....never-in-a-million-years!
At any rate, I am feeling a bit more optimistic this afternoon, so I thought it might be a good time to share a little information. Don't know how enlightening or significant you may find any of it, but here it is.
Karl's photography class is proceeding down it's slow, slow path. It's not the sort of class he thought it would be (maybe that'll teach him to read the darned class description when mom suggests it), and it is a bit of a backward step for him, but at least he is getting outside the house once a week and having to deal with meeting new people and being in unfamiliar territory.
We (Karl and I) had lunch with Maria in Ferndale about a week ago, and had a very nice time at a restaurant named Como's. Always wondered about that spot every time I would pass it coming home from a film gig in the D. Now I know!
Thank you, Maria -- a-g-a-i-n!
I had some farm animal materials to give her (pulled from my stash, Mom) for the charm block challenge happening in the quilting guild she belongs to. I hope she can use them, or pass them along to others who can. Goodness knows it's all sat long enough in my collection!
My surprise was in receiving one of her wonderful tote bags with a flap! Made of beautiful, upholstery-like material, it's lined and has interior pockets, and a very long strap which is wide and comfy for over the shoulder use. Thank you so much, lady, I've already had an opportunity to use it and will continue to do so!!
Been contacted for a scripty gig but most likely will be turning it down, as 'they' are unresponsive regarding questions I have, and have yet to send the script for a breakdown (production begins 10/29). Rushing for every little scrap of time is not my ideal way of working. Plus, the daily rate is absolute crap - AGAIN!
Damned California production companies thinking they can undervalue MI talent while taking advantage of the incentives (what little remains of them). I may as well continue to look for 'regular' work outside of the industry during those three weeks as opposed to all of the driving I'd be doing; spending money on gas and a place to stay, and bringing home little $ for bills and the bank. Not worth it. SO not worth it.
On top of all those detractors is the real issue of arranging a ride for Karl to and from class for those three weeks. He can't afford to miss that much time....so, it's a definite "no" for this cheap Cali-indie.
Yes, Bud is still with his company, working 40 hour weeks, and they are gearing up for the holidays already - annoying music and all. Hoping it would incentivize him to find other work while the finding is good (for his ilk), but he seems determined to stick it out at M's and continue internalizing the grief and sniping of his workmates and staff. [tsk, tsk] He'll have an ulcer if he never leaves there.
Karl had been contacted by Target over a week ago, and had a cursory phone interview ending with the vague promise of a return call in a week's time. Yeah, yeah...right.
No, he hasn't heard from them again. Yes, we know it takes time. Yes, we are aware this particular wheel grinds slowly (if at all), but please understand how eager he is to find a job at a place he would prefer to be.
Tall order without the Autism thrown in for good measure. At any rate, we wait. See? This is why I have omitted myself from blogging of late.
Tick. Tock. Tick.
Hope things are well for you, wherever you are.
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