Laughing all the way

Sun is shining.
Sky is blue.
It's far from 50*F outdoors, which is alright, since I have no immediate plans for heading outside.

The cats are napping, and Karl is bellowing indignantly at unseen faces online.  These are 'friends' he plays games with via the internet.  Friends who (I believe) understand his short fuse and bring him into games purely to incite a meltdown.  Whatever else may be at the crux of the invitations, it's quite clear their true intentions are not friendly.

He came out to the kitchen for a glass of water after angrily peeling his headset off and slamming it onto the desktop.

"If you're that upset, find another game to play.  Nothing says you have to play that game," I reason.

He turns, deadpan and earnest, visually slapping me with a disgusted facial expression.

Unwilling to receive a millisecond more of his anti-social withering stare I turn away and busy myself with my cup of steeping tea.  Karl begins to lumber out of the kitchen and back towards his room (and all of that unbelievable fun he is enduring).

"I mean it's not as if they are holding a gun to your head," I add, as the distance between us grows.

He stopped mid-lurch and heaved a sigh in my direction.  No.  He threw that completely palpable sigh at my head - like a brick - and then continued to his room, where he carried on with his fun and games.

Seriously, he sighed at me with gale force gusto.  Was that called for?

Taking the good with the bad

Sometimes it's a lot of fun being in the car with Karl.  He likes a good assortment of classic rock'n'roll, so we usually end up cranking the volume on the stereo and having fun driving to/from school, and appointments, and haircuts, grocery forays, etc.  Sometimes, though, he would rather talk about games (ugh) he enjoys playing online, or those 'one-players' on his PC (yes, there's a difference between the two...and no, I won't explain it).

He understands that I have no understanding of the games he goes on about, but that doesn't stop him.  Nope, it actually serves to expand the conversation to include all precursor information so that I will understand all that I did not prior to the beginning of the conversation.

"Save me," I mouth to a passing motorist. 

I will listen, I will nod, I will 'hmm' and 'huh' at appropriate moments, and I will concentrate on my driving so as not to glaze over and send us both into a ditch or guard rail.  I am considerate that way.

Sometimes I can steer the conversation away from game mania and find another topic he can relate to enough to make it worth both our whiles.  Not always, but something in the line of 60-65% of the time I am successful.  Pretty good, I'd say.

The radio is my friend.

I especially like when a tune plays that stumps him.  He can pretty well narrow the groups down to an accurate assortment of two or three, and his choices are thoughtful and reasonable given the sound of the music, the instruments, a certain beat or confluence that can sound familiar to him.  Karl makes me proud in this regard.  He likes the musical sound, listens to the lyrics for the sake of the song (and the possible story they tell), and has learned an appreciation for music that was still musical - before the late eighties and disco developed into Prince and rap and ugh [shudder].

Karl has even introduced me to a new genre music that I love to listen to - and oddly, it's an 'electric' version of big band-sounding music. We both like the big band sound, but his addition to my music repertoire is a welcome one. 

Thank goodness for iPods and CDs, that's all I have to say!

Enjoy your drive time.

ick and ewww.7

Well, the day is done, and it was productive to say the least.

By the way, I found another empty tissue box, a dryer sheet, and one final pop can.  The kid sure does use his bedroom space to its full potential!  HA!  Its full EVIL potential.

Wish I had taken a photo before he arrived home, but I have the satisfaction of knowing that for a fleeting couple of hours that room was fairly clean; almost completely without dust and used tissues, napkins and the like littering the floor and other surfaces. 

And I found the desktop!

[blissful sigh]

The next time he is out of the house for a bit, I will continue/finish what I started.  Oh, yeah, baby!

ick and ewww.6

Five total washcloths - I had been wondering why they were disappearing like socks.
Four more tissue boxes.
Three more dryer sheets (maybe more, but I didn't sort through the handfuls of tissue-like matter I pulled from under the bed and dresser).

Oh, and....two additional pop cans and drink cups!

Change is up another $1.13, but cobwebs are down!  No silverware, yet, plus I removed one mug, three one-cup serving bowls, a saucer, and one juice glass before digging in this morning.

Wheeeeee and ewww.

ick and ewww.5

Oh, and I found the surface of his desk!





Sort of.

ick and ewww.4

NINE! Nine old dryer sheets, and an empty cereal box of Quaker Cinnamon Squares.

ick and ewww.3

Seven used dryer sheets....so far.

Three empty tissue boxes....so far.

Two empty PopTart wrappers...I'm hoping Karl ate, and not some other fuzzy-wuzzy.

Only two empty drink cups. :)

Multiple piles of coinage, now rolled and away in a drawer.

Approximately $3.80-worth of bottles and cans....so far.

Lots of used tissues and napkins - some sucked up into the vacuum.

Game Boy cartridges scattered all over the room....roughly fifteen to twenty, and I'm not done, yet.

[a-choo!]

Somehow, it feels as though I am re-writing the "12 Days of Christmas" song with some horrific Muppet-ized version.  Hmmmmm.... :^/

Wish me luck, I'm heading back in. :vP

ick and ewww.2

By the way, how concerned should I be with a pile of nail clippings?

I mean PILE.  A mounded pile!

ick and ewww.1

Karl is currently out of the house, and will be for several more hours, so I have taken the opportunity to clean his room.  It's going to be a cursory cleaning at best....but hey, I will take whatever I can get.

He won't do it, and it doesn't matter how much I ask, reason, plead, beg, bribe, nag, scold, cajole, threaten, assist, push, etc., he will not do the dirty deed (literally) by himself (or with accomplices).  So, this is the tactic I must resort to: underhanded stealth.

From time to time I wander in with the vacuum and snag errant tumbleweeds of cat fur and dust, but he grimaces and shouts, so the vacuum and I retreat. 

I am desperate to get as much done as possible when he is absent, and try not to disturb too much other stuff (other than the evident layer of dust and three inches of accumulated used tissues, which never see the inside of a trash can) in the process, but today...I dunno. I guess I just snapped and decided - "Hang it! I am cleaning that room, and will deal with the fallout when he returns."

Pray for me - I'm going back in.

Red sky in morning...

...sailor, take warning!

And the morning horizon was a blazing pinky-red.  Oh, yeah....we're in for that storm they've been forecasting.  Our forecasted snow totals have gone from an impressive 6-8" to an alright 4-6", and back to a rather solid 'uh-oh' 8-10"!

We won't be shoveling, not much.

I may go out one last time early in the afternoon to fortify our larder since, once the snowfall begins, we are going to be socked-in for a few days.  Nothing big in the way of groceries, just things like cat litter, hamburger buns (I feel like sloppy joes for some reason), carrots, facial tissue.  You know, odds-and-ends-sort-of-stuff.

I don't think Karl realizes how far he has come with class this semester, and how close to the finish line he is.  The end of April marks the end of the current semester, so essentially eight weeks is all that remains for the winter term.  He is doing well, keeping up with homework and passing exams with ease.  Quite a departure from most school experiences to date!

Thank you, God.

I know Karl doesn't see the progress, doesn't feel a swell of pride in himself (although I wish he could) at this achievement, but perhaps some day it will make itself known.  He really lives "in the now" for the most part, and only recently began to project his thoughts to the future...but those are fleeting moments.  However it happens, we'll take what we can get.

He is planning on taking a summer class, so now is a good time to begin thinking and arranging.  Perhaps I will take one as well!

More later, right now I feel a surge of doing welling up inside, so I am going to run with it!

Later, 'gator.

Half done with the month

Yup, December is now on the downward side of the proverbial 'hill.'  One good push and the month is done, and the year is over!

Hallelujah.

What a craptastic year it's been, too. 

On the plus side, Karl took a photography class, attended all but one session, AND turned in ALL assignments either by or before the due dates!  Phew....but YEA!  Grade point average slides up a notch. :)

What's more, his instructor will be happy to write him letters of reference in order to find possible employment with a photography studio - to do retouching, mending of old photos, etc.  If not direct employment, then as a contracted or referred commodity to get one-off jobs from people looking for a service the studios don't do themselves.  :)

Furthermore, Karl has also decided (on his own) to take an "educational" class.  That is to say, he decided it was time to throw an academic course into his studies, in order to begin rounding out his requirements to complete his AA degree!  This is PROGRESS!

Thank you, God, for little (big) nudges.

Ticking things off the list

These last couple of days have been filled with a number of activities, and I am still catching up with all of the undone stuff from my time on that last film.

Did you catch that, universe?  LAST film as a scripty.

Today we made our way to campus in order for Karl to have his assignment printed for presentation.  Then, had to make haste returning home for another appointment (for him).  After which, there was then a drive across (a few) town(s) to get the Duke in for his 25K checkup and an oil change.

Busy, busy, busy.

Tomorrow will be much the same, sad to say.  All I want to do is rearrange the furnitue and quilt a bit....uninterrupted!

Ah well, maybe next week.

Weekend flurry and furry

Glad to say the weekend is half over (slightly over half), and I will be back home again in the wink of an eye to continue with ongoing projects.  I hate leaving things in a lurch half through - or, in process.

We saw two deer cross the road in front of us as we left our subdivision early in the morning. I don't think Karl has seen deer that close up for quite a while, and it wowed him as they casually strolled from the curb on our right to the other side of the street. No running or frantic weaving and jumping. They simply stepped onto the roadway much as a pedestrian would in a crosswalk downtown.

It was enchanting in the foggy morning hours, and it seemed to set the tone for the hours ahead.

Karl had a good day in class; he presented his two-part project in front of the class (not easy for him to speak in front of a group of strangers) and listened to comments and suggestions with an open mind.  While he wasn't thrilled with the idea of sharing his two montages (because after the first two presenters - each only sharing one apiece - he was disappointed in the quality of his work), he did reluctantly come to understand the need for following directions and doing the best you are capable of doing, instead of just trying to get something done without applying yourself to the task. 

He came to understand that despite the arm-twisting, yelling fits, stalling tactics, and just out-n-out arguing about 'why this project was necessary at all,' that he did achieve a goal.  He saw that it was fulfilling and satisfying to stand among the small handful of folks who finished and complied with the requirements instead of slinking behind a desk and hiding because he had nothing to offer.

I honestly think he exhibited a great deal of pride after getting over the embarrassment and fright factors.  Although, I also feel that the following few assignments will also be met with stalling and lame excuses. [sigh]

Yea!

In other news:
Staying with the Gran for one overnight period.  Glad it helps the family, but sometimes I feel like a pinch hitter; only thought of, and called from the dusty dugout recesses when nothing else can be worked out. 

As I grow older my familial feelings shrink to encompass only a basic few people.  I feel less included in (and wanted by) what should be a sprawling group of folks - and so I distance myself even further to keep from feeling the sting.  Removing myself (or staying remote from situations - not just familial) before someone else has a chance to do it has always been a better operating standard for me.  I learned it in my teens as mom moved us around a lot, and it was a habit I had to re-institute in my twenties to keep from crumbling.

I am the outsider with a camera. The observer. We'll call you. One day. Every other month. Maybe.

Beating people to the punch has always been the way I navigate life.  It may not be a great way of life, but I am still walking the planet.  Bitter (maybe) but still walking.

Anyhow, I did manage to see Wuthering Heights for the first time!  Gran turned on her favorite movie channel, and there it was!

So, maybe the weekend wasn't "furry" so much as 'deer hide-y', and a little chaotic location-wise.

Go figure

A-a-a-n-d there's the phone call.

[grumble]

So, we've allowed ourselves to become used to the changes. We've actually become so used to the inevitability of not whether it would happen, but when it was going to manifest itself, that we only ever really lay bets down on the "why" of it all.

In all honesty, I think if there weren't the actual last minute changes, player swaps, and all the rest of the garbage we (Karl) has put up with over the years, it wouldn't feel right. It's become our 'normal.'

For the last six years, Karl has worked with a collective string of CLS and MRS support people, assigned to help him improve his quality of living, his social skills, his chances for employment, yadda yadda yadda. It's all just been a load of bunk!

These people have no vested interest in helping their "clients", but in simply padding their resumes, so that they can become more attractive to future employers themselves. They have all been here today and gone tomorrow.

The people at the top of the local MRS office pile have no concern for the "clients" either, and are simply in their chairs to collect a nice fat, government-funded salary - and benefits - all the while dispensing lip service to anyone bold enough to run the gauntlet of switchboard rubes and disturb their quiet day.

One will leave quite a few messages before ever receiving a reply, and the responses are usually full of air and promises, and are followed through with little to no action.

I've even called the office of the person responsible for governing the local office 'do-nothing,' and the response to that action was to ultimately receive a call from the person I complained about.

Time to don my hipwaders and scale that officious mountain a little further to go over that head as well.

Where do I have to sign up to find a job with that sort of job-security and such low expectations and so little responsibilty?

Karl's newest MRS rep is on a sort of summer vacation , after only just starting to work on Karl's case. He's new to the office, don't ya know. He explained that once the school year ends the funding for office work is reduced; consequently reducing the paid man hours for the reps; therefore, he wouldn't (most likely) be in touch with Karl until fall, when the hours and pay are back to normal, and he can once again pick up where we left off in June to help provide support for Karl in his quest to find work as a person with special needs.

Tick tock, tick tock. [crickets chirp idley in the background]

On another front, but same topic and subject (assistance for Karl): the newest CLS support person was hired and got to work, scheduling with Karl a more weekly sort of visitation/activity day, thereby almost assuring that Karl wouldn't have lost (AKA "wasted") hours from his allocation of funded support.

This was a good thing. Granted, it was another change, but a forward sort of change - so we let ourselves get excited.

Back to the jist of this post/rant:

Yet, here we are, and already the last minute phone call....sheesh! And the kid was all set to walk out the door!

I know life happens (for everybody, and some things can't be avoided), but seriously?! Every time?

If I were Karl, I would see no reason to ever desire to leave my room, either. I mean, except for a trip to the bathroom (or to the kitchen) - what's the point?

[grumble, grumble]

So, the new school year is upon us, and......

Honestly, if I had to choose one of the following as the worst case scenario (from Karl's point of view), I would have a really tough decision to make. Now that we are looking forward to hearing from the new MRS dude (because now he'll have more paid hours to work with), the question is - will Karl have a harder time gathering himself together to head out of the house for yet another meeting (with hopefully something to show for it), or will he be more dejected by having this new person meet with him for a portion of the new school/fiscal year before moving on, at which point we'll be back to a new square one?

Karl's visitors

Every so often Karl has an itch which needs scratching. Whether he knows it or not, he desires company. A day with activity and camaraderie. Time spent face-to-face with humans who are not bent solely on destroying another civilization and stealing their 'life points'.

We all do from time to time.

It's just that he chats and yaks and grumbles at people online so often that he doesn't realize he really does want some human interaction, too - and needs it.

Yesterday, he had been on the phone with Tony (a friend of his) for quite a while, when one of them decided it would be a good idea to ask if I thought it would be a good idea if Tony came over to our place, or for Karl to go over to Tony's.

My simple answer was that they should figure out if one of those choices would be to their liking. After all, did they want to get together? If yes, then that was pretty much the question answered. Of course, that decision then created another choice to tackle; which option should they choose? Karl there or Tony here?

Two Autistic youths making decisions is fun to watch unfold. Sort of like origami in reverse.

I won't go into all of the particulars, suffice it to say they eventually came to the obvious choice, and we drove over to Tony's to pick him up for the afternoon. Given the hour of the day, I figured there would be dinner to make once they became hungry enough, so I prepped for that.

'Round about 11PM I let them know it was time to wrap it up and get Tony home.

By midnight (egads!) they were ready to roll.

LOL

All of this to say, as Karl and I approached the house last night, after taking Tony home, my headlights illuminated I shape on the lawn. It was most definitely NOT cat. It was much too late for a squirrel. Possums tails are not bushy or upright (as this one was), and it wasn't moving appropriately for a racoon. I slowed my speed and got a great look as the critter turned to face us with a bit of posturing.

It was a skunk! I haven't seen one of those in a long time, but I was delighted to watch him size us up as we watched his movements.

Karl was not thrilled in the least as his mind raced quickly to the "oh-my-gawd-how-do-we-get-to-the-front-door-without-being-sprayed?" question.

Not to worry. He moved to the shadow at the backside of the large tree in our front yard, and I turned into the driveway to size up our options - and watch our little visitor a little more closely.

Somehow, he slipped away in an unknown direction, and we neither smelled nor saw him again as we dashed from the car to the door....and safety of the house.

Visitors are always welcome.

Progress

Wonderful progress!

When our children are younger - caught up in those milestone moments of learning to walk, talk, use the potty chair, feed themselves, etc., graduating from toddlers to the years called 'childhood' - we have hopes and expectations. We have dreams and goals. We have a sense of achievement for their futures.

We want for them all the things we maybe didn't have for ourselves. Or, if we had a blessed and prosperous upbringing, we desire that to continue for their sake.

While I had a decent, moral upbringing, I still wanted my sons to know something more than I had. I wanted them to not know divorce...but we don't always succeed when so many forces are beyond our control. And I wanted the boys to have friends - lots of friends. People with whom they could confide in, play with, learn from, lean on and be good friends to in return. But, we can't control how people return friendship (or not).

And then there are the factors (physical, mental, emotional, etc) that we can't foresee, we don't expect and wouldn't ask for; those things that eventually become part of our lifelong equation of life.

Karl's autism has perhaps slowed down the rate of progress toward maturation, and extinguished some milestone markers in their tracks, but he still occasionally experiences moments of shining hope for his future, and when they happen...it simply brings me to tears. This weekend saw one of those moments unfold, and I had to fight the urge to pull out my camera and immortalize it on the spot.

His circle of known flesh-and-blood friends is small, and most of them he occasionally-to-rarely sees. I would even go so far as to say there may be a couple of those he could go for most of the remainder of his life and never see again face-to-face, and he would be alright with that. Although, he has lately grown a little more comfortable leaving the house periodically to interact with life outside these four walls, I am not pushing too hard to make it happen, but accepting his moments of courage with happiness and hope.

There is another small group of folks he knows, but only in the www-ethereal way. Those online voices and personas with whom he has conversations and shares web surfing time, those folks are kindred spirits (to a degree), but they will never meet.

Do they know he is autistic? Most likely not. They may notice some strange behaviors or vocal things during games or discussions, but mostly he is just some person somewhere who sits at a computer and plays games and laughs at articles and silly memes found out in the web cosmos. Sadly, it seems as though these folks are at other ends of the country, or maybe even on different continents altogether, and the time zone differences make interactions next to impossible.

Such is life.

Excuse me. As usual, I have wandered away from the subject at hand.

This afternoon, Karl was able to assist in getting three friends and himself together in one place, and they spent nearly five hours roaming the mall and chatting, as young people do!

Dropping him at the meet-up point for the rendezvous was a high point for me, and overwhelming as his parent to notice he had combed his mop-ish hair and put on a nice, pinstriped Oxford shirt for the occasion!

I watched from a distance as the awkward gang clamored into another friend's vehicle and proceeded to the mall parking lot to embark on an afternoon of whatever, and I couldn't have been happier knowing Karl was going to blend into the crowd of neuro-typicals for a short time!

Progress in all its forms is a wonderful thing.

Driving mayhem

Today was a road-warrior-type of day.

I spent it driving a round trip of about 130 miles to pick up a young girl (a friend of Karl's), getting her to Ann Arbor's Autism Center to start the evaluation process, and then taking her back home to Rochester before returning home myself.

Brian's road experience ended with an accident, trashing the front left bumper and quarter panel of his car - ruining a brand new headlamp to boot! Bud is fine, and the other fella's SUV was slightly crumpled, but since Brian has PLPD insurance, he will be out of pocket for the repairs. [cringing] Hoping the repair costs aren't more than the balance of the loan, and that they are not more than the value of the car.

The car still runs and rolls, but there is a significant amount of mayhem to his car. Yikes.

It's all very sad, but in the grand scheme of things, it's so much better than it could have been. Just hard for him not to feel blue.

On the up side, I will have the honor of once again driving him back and forth to work for the foreseeable future. Yea! [mock sincerity]

Prayers muttered and fingers crossed for some low numbers from the repair dudes. Anybody got a few thousand dollars laying around that we can use......OR, some spare parts for an '03 Jetta S (Brian says the parts would be preferable).

Holy smokes!

How is it that we are nearly half way through the year already? I swear I didn't blink, and yet....here we are!

May is all but over and June is standing at the alter like a groom. We're over halfway to Thanksgiving and I haven't even begun my Christmas shopping! [yikes] What's more, we've just had the first horrid heat snap for this year and we still have SUMMER to get to - let alone through!

Finished with (I am almost certain) the piecing on the secret quilt, but I still need to wash, cut and attach the borders, then assemble the backing. I had hoped to take it with me this weekend to roll the extra backing over the raw edges and baste that in place for the quilting process, but I still have a lot to do before I can even get it to the stretching phase! So, I am a little behind on that project. [ultra sad face]

I am taking the new commissioned quilt with me to get started on it - that is to say, the material for the commissioned quilt - to rinse out the bleeders and cut the pieces. In a week or so I can begin assembling the blocks, and it will be nice to have everything ready to go.

Karl's in-home counseling has begun - thankfully! He likes the therapist, and they have enough in common (interests-wise) that Daniel (the therapist) can start a conversation with K when it gets quiet, and somehow morph it into something productive.

There have been so many starts and stops for Karl, it's been heartbreaking. And I think he feels deep inside why even bother if nothing ever progresses past a certain point. I know I would tend to feel a little hopeless.

Changing the subject.

Went out to the garage to bring in a new container of Nesquik so I could make some chocolate milk. I bought the large econo-sized container at Costco months ago (last visit) so that it would be here when the old one finally ran out. Can't believe the mouse in the garage chewed a hole (three, in fact) through the container!! Had to throw out an entire $7 jar of drink mix!!!!!

All mice must now die!!

Guess it's time to head back to the big "C" and get more Nesquik. That's OK, we need more TP, too.

Holy smokes, things is gettin' strange.

I'll be back a little later, for now I think I should get some things done around here.

This 'n that

It's been a fairly busy week, and I still have studying to get back to, so it's not over - yet!Activities at the bank with financial planners, and with insurance agents (not at the bank); meetings with CLS for Karl and then finding out there is ANOTHER new MRS rep assigned to Karl...jeez.

[grumble and curses]

Despite a day of rain here and there, the next week and one-half will be spring bliss weather-wise, so....Florida-shmorida!

My passport expires this year, and I have been seriously considering renewing it. Well, why not? When I initially obtained it, it was for a semi-last-minute trip to Greece, and I was so very happy to have gotten it. Mentally and emotionally I began to plan a glorios excursion once a year from that time forward - with and without the boys. And, of course, I would loved to have used it on more than two travel occasions, but it wasn't meant to be.

However, I firmly believe everyone should have a valid passport. Everyone (except terrorists).

Speaking (sort of) about wandering, Cleo is having trouble staying down for her usual morning/afternoon siesta, and so I may as well pre-shrink some material and maybe cut out a few central squares for some reason or other in between stints of cat love. Whomever uttered the words about cats being totally independent was remarkably ignorant.

More later - have an enjoyable day!

I can't get Karl to leave the house!

I am beside myself with worry that my 'mushroom' will develop even greater problems than he already possesses if he continues to resist leaving his room and dealing with life - and everything that that entails.

Everything!

"C'mon, Karl. Come out here....I've got chocolate cake and orange soda."

"No! I can eat it in here as well as out there. Just leave it by the door and I'll get it in a minute."

Hmmm. I wonder if he has a more valid point (and better reasoning skills) than I do. Maybe there is no really good reason to ever leave the house.

Groceries can be delivered.

If I am not around people I can't get sick.

Stupid people in their cars can't damage John Wayne, or cause me harm or loss (especially if I am not subjected to them).

Oh my gosh, and this is just the tip of the iceberg!

:^/