The word "get" has got to go

What is with the ignorance of people using the English language?

I have a lot of pet peeves.  This I know and, well....whatever.

However, I feel compelled to tell the universe how I feel regarding the lack of ability (within the general population) to correctly use the English language in an intelligent and thoughtful way. Let's face it, embrace it, and erase it - the funk of the grammatically lazy, that is. When did mediocrity become the norm?

Has anyone else even noticed that the practice of intelligent speaking has truly taken a nose dive over the last 10-20 years.  'I mean', just listen to us!

• Lazy speech patterns
• The overuse of words in sentences taking the place of "um" and "uh" and the rest - specifically the words "like" and "so", and the phrase "I mean"....when the speaker hasn't even said anything of note requiring clarification
• Saying "hashtag" to bring an air of importance to some trivial subject matter
• Inventing other uses for a word(s), when it isn't necessary, to get the meaning across; i.e. - a "life hack" is NOT the same as a tip or shortcut or a unique solution share
• The needless (and stupid) use of certain other words to shortcut the need for inserting a little grey matter into the conversation - which is why I am here today

This is a bit of text, taken from something I read online this morning, and if you can't see the issue without prompting, then you need to return to third or forth grade - PRONTO!

This is how routine affects us; absorbs us from the inside until we get consumed by it and get comfortable with repetitive patterns and accept changes along the way.

Seriously?!

Let's try this:
"...absorbs us from the inside until we are consumed by it and become comfortable with repetitive patterns..."

Quite frankly, there are a small number of ways that sentence could have been better constructed, but it wasn't.  Don't even get me started on the poor punctuation. [slow burn]

Sadly, the lazy and improper use of language is becoming more disappointing with every passing year.  The word "get" has found its way into most sentences any more, when so many other perfectly suited words would do a much better job communicating, informing, and delivering content.  What are we so afraid of that we can't even hire people to type up news stories on television for our 'talking heads' to say in front of a camera?  Or, are our newscasters presenting the news in a rogue fashion, and they themselves can't construct a proper sentence?

It's horrifying to know there are horrible English students (with deplorable speaking habits) wending their way through college and gaining accreditation to teach young, pliable minds.  Once youngsters are subjected to these new lazy and improperly speaking teachers, who's left to reverse the damage?  Who will monitor the decline of intelligence and work to reverse it?  There are an equal amount of parents who also speak poorly, so there will be no help for the coming generations of kids to recognize the issues and reverse the trend.

How are we to "life hack" our way out of this trouble?  MacGyver has retired.

Oh, and, PS:
Don't blame your mobile phone (or other electronic device) for messing up a conversation and inadvertently causing issues due to its "spellcheck" feature, if you are the sort of lazy idiot who can't be bothered to even attempt to spell a word correctly - or remember the correct uses for "your", "you're", "their", "they're", and "there" (among others).  But these are matters for another time and place.

Oh, seriously?!

Does the world REALLY require bacon-scented underarm deodorant?

REALLY?

[sigh]

If it comes to somebody creating bacon-scented tampons, I am chartering the next flight to the International Space Station!

Heh!

Received a phone call from an unknown number the other day. Well, maybe it's more correct to say an "unfamiliar" number. At any rate, it just happened to be the first day of filming on that project I mentioned a few days back (ah, but that could simply be coincidence), and since I didn't know the number I let the phone ring itself right into voicemail.

Of course, whomever it was left no message. Of course, that shouldn't be an 'of course"...it should be a 'WTF?!' Why would you phone someone and NOT leave a message? If it was important enough to call, then there must be something you wanted to say.

"Well, it could've been a wrong number, and they figured that out when they heard your outgoing message," you bellow in my direction. Hey, if that's the case then, at least leave a little message akin to "sorry for the misdial" so I don't go on wondering all day.

I either get a lot of misdials, or I know a lot of stupid people.




I'm just sayin'.



I may come back in here in a little bit and post the number for grins and giggles. We'll see.

I've had it with the world -- you load of jackasses!!!!! 

Neighbors.

Lying ex-husbands. 

Cheating ex-husbands.

Philandering bosses. 

Diddling uncles.

Contractors of ALL sorts who take your money & don't accomplish half of what they're paid for.

Hospitals that add charges for services not rendered & that allow doctors to roam the halls signing patient charts without ever seeing the patient.  And let's not forget double billing for ER docs.

Men who are fathers who don't act like it.  Losers who duck out on their parental responsibility and are absent for much of the formative years.  Snip, snip, fellas.

Would-be employers who tell you that they were looking for a younger person during the interview process.

Those who drive someones car with a handicap plate or sign, and then park in handicap spots because they think it's OK.  LAZINESS IS NOT A HANDICAP!

People who smoke on campus despite all the signage saying it's a COMPLETELY smoke-free zone.

Judges who dismiss your work as a copy of something else without checking facts or dates.

Cats that whiz outside the box when the damned thing is fresh.

People who throw their cigarette butts out a car window.  YOU HAVE ASHTRAYS IN YOUR CARS!!!

People who use the race card...right off the bat - for e v e r y encounter.  Hey, if you're stupid it really has nothing to do with your color or ethnicity.  Stupid is stupid - deal with it and fix yourself!

I'm certain there are more, but I am tired...and I'm pretty sure you get the idea.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel better, but you will all still be here.  So. . . . . . . . .the effing world can eat my shorts! 

Anonymity and 'whatev'

When I see from indicators on this blogsite that a comment has arrived, I don't allow myself to become excited any longer.  Most of the comments I receive are SPAM - over 95%, in fact.

Sad.

However, I am heartened by the advent of the more English-correct, almost correctly punctuated, somewhat coherent (and less bungle-y gooped) tripe showing up, rather than all of the absolute stupid twaddle most SPAMming morons have tried to pollute the blog with.  But it's all just so sad and pathetic.  Sometimes funny (as in mock amusement), but truly sad.

What I find most amusing are the taunts from incredibly asinine, "anonymous" commenters, that go something like this:
"You don't need to post videos to get your point across.  WRITE MORE, you're good at it!"

This (abbr) message was posted to an entry which had no video associated with it.  What's more ludicrous is that I haven't posted a video on this blog in such a long while, I don't even understand why someone would attempt to have me approve some smarmy butt-kissing just to get their Trojan horse, spyware-laden ads in my blog.  Seriously, do you folks understand I am slightly more intelligent than the average shrub?!?

Somehow, I don't think that you do.

What's more disheartening, though, is that I'll probably end up receiving more glossy, suck-up BS in response to this post, suggesting I know what I'm saying and that they can't understand why I am not more well read by others.  But, if I'll approve their comment to add their penis-enlarging-site comment to my blog arena, they can guarantee I will garner more readership (and a chance to get a free trial supply of 4-6 extra inches of' please-her-with-more-of-your-manhood' pills for free!).

What am I waiting for, right?!? 

Oh, I dunno.  Maybe it's that I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!!!

Also, if you're going to send me an anonymous ego-stroking comment, loaded with spyware to a sh*t website, you're going to have to rethink a good portion of your game.  [wagging no-no finger in your direction]  I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.

R-r-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ght

Rose quickly to the sounds of a cat puke in process, only to witness hurf two (yes, they always happen in twos) and the sad, quick, guilty trot of the fuzzy culprit away from the newly spewn mess. 

I created "spewn" because it sounds funny.  Also, because I like the sound of the word "hewn", but it wouldn't have been appropriate here, in this context, and there isn't another gurk-related word that conjours up (for me) the descriptive quality I was searching for....so "spewn" it is!

Dammit, Flop! 

The first ninja hurl was on the chair - the camel-colored, upholstered armchair - and a slight bit on its accompanying throw pillow.  The rest of her special delivery lay in a liquid-y puddle on the hardwood, but a smidge too close to the carpet. 

I cleaned up the mess toot sweet, amidst the baying food request of deaf cat Hobbes.  Every time I made for additional paper towel, or deposited a messy load of used towel in the garbage, 'Foghorn Leghorncat' bellowed louder - as if I couldn't hear her!

Cleaning mission complete, I fed the kitty hoard and proceeded to the cat box, which also required a backhoe and lead-lined baggie.  Actually, that wouldn't have been so bad, but two feline masterminds had missed the box throughout the night/early morning hours, and my unfinished LL bathroom floor looked more like the men's room in a Greyhound bus terminal!

Bleaching, rinsing, drying, skreeting complete, I washed up and began a load of laundry, only to witness Flop's mismatched peeing efforts with the side of the box, and whoops - ANOTHER puddle ON THE FLOOR!  After terrifying her out of the box and up the stairs (oh, and I'm certain she still has to go), I set about cleaning this new mess.

I think I've had enough Mother's Day, thanks.

That's it, nobody gets to go the bathroom the rest of the day!!!  Except me.

R-r-i-i-i-i-i-ght.

Yeah.........

I couldn't figure out how to make the Google Earth Day thingy work.

Harumph [and grumbly noises of disgust and irkedness]

How do you get an orange-yellow spot off a paint job?

Without having to paint over it, that is.

If you've been keeping up over the past several months you will know we have had a moth rash (or is it a 'rash of moths'?).   And if you have kids (or men) around the house you will totally recognize the ick-factor of bug remains on your ceiling and/or walls after one of them kills a mosquito or fly, etc.

If your menfolk (or kids) are anything like mine, they leave whatever remains of those remains on the surface on which those pests were creamed. 

"Creamed" being the operative word, here.

"A-ha!" you say, "I think I know where you're going."

Yes, I am certain you most likely do.

So my living room ceiling, while fairly clean, still holds some bug spackling from recent summers...and I added to it this morning.  But, I did clean the smear off straight away!  I did!!  I simply used a poor choice in paper product to dampen and wipe it with.  Doggoneit!

Yeah, my advice to all you fastidious homeowners who want to clean a moth imprint off of a painted surface need to know: DON'T USE A DAMPENED PRINTED NAPKIN FROM SUBWAY!

I cleaned off the moth stuff, but left a golden yellow sun-like stain in its place.

So how DO you get an orange-yellow spot off of a painted surface - without re-painting it, that is?

Cooties're everywhere!

Got home a little while ago, after having spent the morning teaching the last of a 2-part class for children (making a stuffed animal pillow.  But not stuffed with real animals...that'd be cruel).

If you'd been looking in you would have noticed that these girls spent a good deal of time mining their noses instead of working at the project on the tables before them.  Every time I turned around one of 'em had a finger strategically placed up a nostril.  I was terrified to touch anything they had been working with, knowing full well I was going to draw back a handful of snot locker gems - whether they were of the crunchy or slimy variety.

I was squibbed out....feeling squiffy....nauseated....grossed out to the max....wishing I had rubber gloves.

I offered each one of them, in turn, a tissue - NOT the same tissue, mind you, and each declined saying they didn't need one.  Are you kidding me?! 

I just caught you (all) picking your noses, and you don't need a tissue!?!?  Are you sure you don't need one?  Do you WANT one?

The answer is:
Oh, YES. YOU. DO.

On the way home I drove to Kroger to return a brand new package of Thomas' Bagels, that amazingly were covered in mold!  Yup.  MOLD everywhere.  The sell by date on the packaging stated February 21st...so why are they moldy so soon?  I dunno.  I only know (and cared) about getting the refund.

Stopped into a Little Caesars to pick up a pizza for Karl and myself to enjoy as a quick lunch-like treat.  No cooking for me, and Karl would be satisfied and happy for a good long while (at least, that is, until dinnertime rolls around).  Hey, five bucks for a pie is a deal!

The young man greeting me as I stepped through the 'za-hole door was clearing his throat and complaining about it feeling scratchy "and sorta like it's getting sore."  [insert Home Alone scream here] 

Instead of high-tailing it out the door (as I probably should have) I told him to go home and rest and drink LOTS of non-alcoholic fluids, along with taking an Airborne right away, and taking doses of cranberry tablets. Not juice, but capsules/pills/tablets.  Ignore the label suggesting it's good for preventing/treating urinary tract infections, and start taking them with every meal and at bedtime.  Works like a charm, especially so if you begin when the slightest irritations show themselves.

For the mommying advice we were rewarded with a buttered and Parmesan-covered crust on our pizza!  It was extra delish!  But, now I think I need to go take some Airborne and cranberry supplements.

Ish.  :^b

Wheeeeww!!

What an incredibly l-o-n-g weekend.

Lead five sewing classes - each one quite different from the others - and mostly kids to boot!  Little germ factories. Yech!

Hey, you parents who don't take part in your children's grooming habits (and there were three of them in one class load)....EW!  Long, skanky, broken/chipped fingernails, caked with dirt and layered with boogers (and booger 'film' from funny noses), ratted hair and smudges on their faces.  Um....hose 'em down and rinse them off, or don't bring 'em out in public.  Little girls do NOT need to have long nails.  It's not attractive, and if you don't help them with the grooming, then it's just ugly, gross, and unsanitary.

Yeesh!

And specifically to the parent of the child who was quite obviously ill: WHY DID YOU BRING HER OUT OF THE HOUSE TO A ROOMFUL OF PEOPLE?!!?  Seriously!!!!!!  I can feel the bubonic plague welling up inside me as I type.  You didn't need to share that!

[insert annoyed, gutteral noises of disgust and loathing here]

Excuse me while I make myself a glassful of Airborne.  More later - if I'm not on my deathbed.

Lately

It's been a week since my last post.  Guess I just haven't had much to say of late. 

I mean, there's lots to post about - plenty of things to update or announce - but when I get in here and set my fingers to the keyboard, it all seems so....so-o-o....what?

You know, I think some days it comes down to the fact that I only know a handful of you reading this stuff, and I think to myself: why should I bother?  There are the friends I talk to on a regular (or somewhat regular) basis, and a relative or two who stay in the know (hi, Aunt Deb). I mean, it gets plenty of hits, and daily there are readers, but do you really read?  Or are you searching (googling, b-inging, asking jeeves, however it is you fall in here) for something else, and a word or phrase you used directs you to my blogging 'door'?

You are here, you may read, you may smile, laugh or nod in agreement with some articles, but you never respond.  You visiting strangers, from far flung corners of the globe....say "hello."  Ask a question.  Introduce yourself...but don't stay anonymous.

And for Heaven's sake, if you're here, trying to figure out if it would be possible to leave a spammy-type comment to solicit hits on your own websites, bugger off!  Those sorts of comments will be deleted in the spam folder.

See, lately I've grown very tired of people who take advantage, who aren't thankful, and those who spend their time (and waste mine) lying.

Opposed to oleo

We're picking up steam, people, but please, keep this in mind: I like my oleo applied with a warm, gloved finger.  Or, at the very least, a spoon.  You folks are using spatulas.  That's not appreciated.

Yesterday's blog entry received a number of 'comments', but of course, they are highly suspect as SPAM, so they weren't published. Yes, in fact, I would have to say the SPAM detector filtered out all recent 'comments' as SPAM - sadly.  Even the more intelligently worded tome (below) had me going....until the very end.

"Үour stуle is sо unique соmpared tο othег pеoplе I've read stuff from. I appreciate you for posting when you've got the opportunity, Guеѕs І wіll just bookmаrk this pagе."

In closing, this anonymous commenter encouraged me to "Look into [their] web blog : _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .com"

My mama didn't raise no turnips.  For that matter, she didn't give birth to no turnips (that I know of).  Do I look like a turnip? 

Then this particular SPAM-o-gram tickled my fancy as one of the less clever entries in the now daily 'contest': 
"I havе гeаd so many aгticles rеgarding thе blogger loveгs exceρt this ρaragгaph iѕ in fact a nіce аrtiсle, keep іt uρ.  Feel free to visit my web site ; " (yes, they added a site I will not make visible)

See, the trouble with publishing your comments (you 'anonymous' people), is that it would make me look equally stupid and pandering.  Most of you spammybots have a deplorable grasp of style and creativity.  You rarely reference the particular entry you comment on, and most often use a generic bull shit-written string of gibberish sentences (dead giveaway - see orange example above). 

If you were sincere - and REAL - you wouldn't be "anonymous," would you?  If you weren't SPAMmers, you would have no problem using your actual names or blogger IDs when sending a comment (if you had an actual blog you wanted to share).  I won't promote websites unless there is a damn fine reason, just so ya know.

See, in using your real ID there would be a link to your site already built in to your signature.  Or, you could subscribe to (or 'follow') this blog (or any other) in a legitimate fashion, perhaps creating a more conducive (and trustworthy) relationship of I-read-you-and-you-read-me.  That's a link to your blog as well - if it's real.

Ahhh - an atmosphere of trust.  A believable and friendly blogger kinship. [giddy with the thought]  Not a turnip convention.  Feh!

Keep your oleo.  I prefer butter, anyway.

Atrocities

It's NOT "wetten."

There's no such word in the English language! [hissing venomously]

We have "wet" and "dampen", and those would be appropriate and CORRECT, given you understand how to use the English language - you non-foreign-raised, Anglo, newscaster moron!