Do you know how easy it is to do nothing?
Do you know how hard it is on a person to do nothing?
Showing posts with label things that make me wish I were someone else. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things that make me wish I were someone else. Show all posts
5.31.2019
Normalcy?
I will be returning to work on the third of June, whether I feel up to it or not. Been sitting (and lying) with my eyes closed - or open '...but not engaged in any activity requiring them to focus or concentrate' for the better part of the last two weeks.
Can you say boring?
Headaches, double-vision, and naps have been near-constant companions, and I believe returning to work so quickly after leaving the hospital was a mistake. Two full days of staring at and comparing numbers on labels, and working at my computer, did more harm than good. No job is worth my vision, it is too precious to lose.
Contrary to popular belief, this was not a vacation, it was a period of recuperation - and no, I am not fully functional. I am now instructed by the GP to begin weaning myself back on to a diet of eyes open, looking at the telly, reading a book, and using my PC to answer email, etc., to get my eyes used to what is to come after a long break from use.
Holy crap, people, take care of your health. Oh, and is there anyone out there on Atorvistatin? Are you experiencing any issues while taking the medication? I have to admit I feel a little ill at ease at the thought of taking it once I read all of the possible side effects.
Can you say boring?
Headaches, double-vision, and naps have been near-constant companions, and I believe returning to work so quickly after leaving the hospital was a mistake. Two full days of staring at and comparing numbers on labels, and working at my computer, did more harm than good. No job is worth my vision, it is too precious to lose.
Contrary to popular belief, this was not a vacation, it was a period of recuperation - and no, I am not fully functional. I am now instructed by the GP to begin weaning myself back on to a diet of eyes open, looking at the telly, reading a book, and using my PC to answer email, etc., to get my eyes used to what is to come after a long break from use.
Holy crap, people, take care of your health. Oh, and is there anyone out there on Atorvistatin? Are you experiencing any issues while taking the medication? I have to admit I feel a little ill at ease at the thought of taking it once I read all of the possible side effects.
3.08.2019
It's always 4:20 somewhere
I cannot get back to sleep. I hate this.
Is it considered insomnia if you were sleeping, then woke up (for no good reason) and just can't get back to the z's?
Just this last week or so I find myself falling asleep before 10PM (sometimes well before), and waking (sometimes alarmingly so) before the alarm. Not aware that I am thinking of anything specific roiling in my brain-pan, but waking and laying here - without sheep to count - gives my head ample time to recall things I would much rather leave in the mental dustbin...if you dig what I am saying.
Gonna be dragging at work today (and probably on edge). Thanks, wake-up monster. Thanks a lot.
Is it considered insomnia if you were sleeping, then woke up (for no good reason) and just can't get back to the z's?
Just this last week or so I find myself falling asleep before 10PM (sometimes well before), and waking (sometimes alarmingly so) before the alarm. Not aware that I am thinking of anything specific roiling in my brain-pan, but waking and laying here - without sheep to count - gives my head ample time to recall things I would much rather leave in the mental dustbin...if you dig what I am saying.
Gonna be dragging at work today (and probably on edge). Thanks, wake-up monster. Thanks a lot.
10.28.2018
Months of discomfort (and healing?)
At some point in time over the late spring my left Achilles tendon separated (up to 80% +), and it has been a long road to recovery. Trying to adjust my walk to allow for the pain, and to keep up with my work requirements, has left me with a rather annoying counter issue with my opposite leg groin muscle... and now, hip-to-knee musculature.
Some days I feel one million years old; as though I am made of stone. When will it end?
Some days I feel one million years old; as though I am made of stone. When will it end?
1.01.2018
Really, 2018?
Not guilty! I did NOT say - or even think - "what else can happen?" Did NOT say or think, "it can't get any worse/how bad can it get?"
I let 2017 wimper on out and ignored the midnight tolling of the bells. And this is the thanks I get.
We are going visiting today, and I asked Karl to jump into the shower while I punched down the bread dough and parsed it into the baking pans for its second rise. I had a load of laundry going and was feeling pretty content.
I heard the sound of water, but it didn't register that the sound was a bit out of the ordinary for the washer (downstairs). Nope, I chalked it up to Karl in the tub. (yea - no arguments or demanding or repeating myself for a change).
Then Karl breezed by and headed to the lower level to check on the wash - thinking he would take it out of the washer and get it into the dryer, in hopes of wearing one of the dress shirts in the load. This day was getting better and better.
Then Karl yelled up to me, "Is the floor supposed to be wet?"
Nope, oddly enough, it isn't supposed to be wet.
How fast do you think I flew downstairs?
It looks as though the pipe that the washer drains into froze... that is to say, whatever standing water was in it from the last wash before this extreme cold snap. The sound I heard and did not identify was that of the water splashing about at high pressure and fanning out on the wood floor and soaking into the insulation underneath. At least, I am HOPING the drain pipe is the issue.
Damn it!
Well, at least the bread smells good in the oven.
I let 2017 wimper on out and ignored the midnight tolling of the bells. And this is the thanks I get.
We are going visiting today, and I asked Karl to jump into the shower while I punched down the bread dough and parsed it into the baking pans for its second rise. I had a load of laundry going and was feeling pretty content.
I heard the sound of water, but it didn't register that the sound was a bit out of the ordinary for the washer (downstairs). Nope, I chalked it up to Karl in the tub. (yea - no arguments or demanding or repeating myself for a change).
Then Karl breezed by and headed to the lower level to check on the wash - thinking he would take it out of the washer and get it into the dryer, in hopes of wearing one of the dress shirts in the load. This day was getting better and better.
Then Karl yelled up to me, "Is the floor supposed to be wet?"
Nope, oddly enough, it isn't supposed to be wet.
How fast do you think I flew downstairs?
It looks as though the pipe that the washer drains into froze... that is to say, whatever standing water was in it from the last wash before this extreme cold snap. The sound I heard and did not identify was that of the water splashing about at high pressure and fanning out on the wood floor and soaking into the insulation underneath. At least, I am HOPING the drain pipe is the issue.
Damn it!
Well, at least the bread smells good in the oven.
10.13.2015
Relationships and whatnot
Mom has just swooped in for a visit, and is now off to visit my younger brother before heading back home. She would liked to have visited with one of her own brothers (whom she is concerned for, and whom she loves very much) before trekking west across the state, and then ultimately to her home w - a - y up north, but she received absolutely no response from him or his wife in all the time leading up to the trip, nor once she arrived. I attempted to make contact with them while she was here, giving them three phone numbers to reach us/her by (and an email address) for planning.
All of it was to no avail and I feel horrible for her, since she is driving down into the heart of rotten Detroit-suburbia traffic to their home, and will only hope to make contact with them before heading on to Lansing later in the afternoon (most likely encountering crappy commuter traffic in the process).
UPDATE -
Mom did finally get them to answer their door, but I am not certain what sort of visit she was able to have. The rigamarole and drama created by these pious 'born again' people borders on the incredibly heavy-handed...and just outright rude, at times.
It's always very stressful - for both mom and myself - when we two are in tight quarters for more than twenty-four hours. Sad to admit, but it's true. If someone wrote a story to describe our relationship it would be titled:
"How a Leo Begat a Taurus and How They Lived Tenuously to Tell the Tale". Seriously.
Suffice to say we are bruised and and bent and pretty much our strained normal, but still mother/daughter in love.
All of it was to no avail and I feel horrible for her, since she is driving down into the heart of rotten Detroit-suburbia traffic to their home, and will only hope to make contact with them before heading on to Lansing later in the afternoon (most likely encountering crappy commuter traffic in the process).
UPDATE -
Mom did finally get them to answer their door, but I am not certain what sort of visit she was able to have. The rigamarole and drama created by these pious 'born again' people borders on the incredibly heavy-handed...and just outright rude, at times.
It's always very stressful - for both mom and myself - when we two are in tight quarters for more than twenty-four hours. Sad to admit, but it's true. If someone wrote a story to describe our relationship it would be titled:
"How a Leo Begat a Taurus and How They Lived Tenuously to Tell the Tale". Seriously.
Suffice to say we are bruised and and bent and pretty much our strained normal, but still mother/daughter in love.
11.08.2013
Ugh
ENTIRELY certain I am not thrilled with the fact that my bra size now reflects the meaning of life.
If you don't know what that means, you may wish to pick up a book and start reading!
If you don't know what that means, you may wish to pick up a book and start reading!
10.14.2013
Irritation
My most immediate gripe is of my composition instructor.
Karl has the same course with a different professor, and this dude (Karl's 'Prof N') is as incredibly prompt (and terrific) at communication as my composition dude is irresponsible and lackluster. They couldn't be any more diametrically opposed if they tried. My instructor either never checks his email, or checks it and ignores it for days at a stretch before responding, OR likes playing the "eenie-meanie-miney-moe" game with whatever class email he receives.
A full week ago I wrote to ask if he was able to view my essay submission in the screwed up application the college has decided to utilize for torturing students, er....make that "use as an instructional aide to enhance the class syllabus and face-to-face time." What a high-falutin' crock! Too many bugs in the system, and if someone (like myself) hasn't got an updated version of Windows, that damned thing won't work from your home computer! In fact, if you don't possess the latest and greatest software enabled laptop, iPad, etc., you can't do your homework from home! That is, unless you go to the extreme of spending another pile of money to buy the latest version of Windows to replace the non-upgradeable Vista that was (the only thing) available when [I] purchased my laptop in 2009.
That's right, I've had my current computer/laptop for more than four years!!! I'm not a lemming with a small anything complex (I also don't have a never-ending pile of cash under my mattress to blow on new hardware and phones and other gadgets). And look at me, I'm still breathing and functioning!
I'm happy (odd choice of words) to report that I am not the only person in class experiencing issues with the stupid MyWritingLab app/software/reporting tool, so I have been vindicated. The stupidest test of the MWL product came when I went to the campus library during a break to upload my essay from their computers. That's right, the MRL tool wasn't recognized by the school system! I was asked for permission to allow a "pop-up" to use the system. Then, the program had bugs beyond the firewall issue.....so HUGE RASPBERRIES to the new tool to make a lazy instructor's life easier! Hey, teachers - get yourself an email account students can utilize to submit their assignments via email - WITHOUT ALL THE DAMNED HOOPS!!
[pant, pant, pant]
I submitted it twice from different computers, and I have no idea if he ever saw the essay while in the precious MWL program. Jean submitted it from her Mac, where she saw the item snugly tucked into the "shared documents" folder, AND she could view it there, too. She even took a page image and we sent that to the instructor to show the document as having been in the system since the 4th of October! But when I queried whether he could view the document as sent via the library computer to the same program destination, I never received the courtesy of a reply!
[expletive, EXPLETIVE, EXPLETIVE]
Yes, I think it's safe to say I am a tad irritated.
Karl has the same course with a different professor, and this dude (Karl's 'Prof N') is as incredibly prompt (and terrific) at communication as my composition dude is irresponsible and lackluster. They couldn't be any more diametrically opposed if they tried. My instructor either never checks his email, or checks it and ignores it for days at a stretch before responding, OR likes playing the "eenie-meanie-miney-moe" game with whatever class email he receives.
A full week ago I wrote to ask if he was able to view my essay submission in the screwed up application the college has decided to utilize for torturing students, er....make that "use as an instructional aide to enhance the class syllabus and face-to-face time." What a high-falutin' crock! Too many bugs in the system, and if someone (like myself) hasn't got an updated version of Windows, that damned thing won't work from your home computer! In fact, if you don't possess the latest and greatest software enabled laptop, iPad, etc., you can't do your homework from home! That is, unless you go to the extreme of spending another pile of money to buy the latest version of Windows to replace the non-upgradeable Vista that was (the only thing) available when [I] purchased my laptop in 2009.
That's right, I've had my current computer/laptop for more than four years!!! I'm not a lemming with a small anything complex (I also don't have a never-ending pile of cash under my mattress to blow on new hardware and phones and other gadgets). And look at me, I'm still breathing and functioning!
I'm happy (odd choice of words) to report that I am not the only person in class experiencing issues with the stupid MyWritingLab app/software/reporting tool, so I have been vindicated. The stupidest test of the MWL product came when I went to the campus library during a break to upload my essay from their computers. That's right, the MRL tool wasn't recognized by the school system! I was asked for permission to allow a "pop-up" to use the system. Then, the program had bugs beyond the firewall issue.....so HUGE RASPBERRIES to the new tool to make a lazy instructor's life easier! Hey, teachers - get yourself an email account students can utilize to submit their assignments via email - WITHOUT ALL THE DAMNED HOOPS!!
[pant, pant, pant]
I submitted it twice from different computers, and I have no idea if he ever saw the essay while in the precious MWL program. Jean submitted it from her Mac, where she saw the item snugly tucked into the "shared documents" folder, AND she could view it there, too. She even took a page image and we sent that to the instructor to show the document as having been in the system since the 4th of October! But when I queried whether he could view the document as sent via the library computer to the same program destination, I never received the courtesy of a reply!
[expletive, EXPLETIVE, EXPLETIVE]
Yes, I think it's safe to say I am a tad irritated.
10.09.2013
Two items of note
First -
I found my rock!
My peace stone...I found it! And wouldn't you know it would be in the last place I looked. ;) I added that last bit for mom.
*Happiness*
Number two -
When my cats have the hiccups I hate that I am curious enough (and unemployed enough) to watch closely - and for whatever time is necessary - to ascertain whether I: missed the previous funny bodily implosion upheavals; got in on the beginning, and I will be viewing the entire show, or; witnessed a burp and not the advent of kitty hiccups.
Hey, I didn't say they would be two brilliant "...items of note," only that there was something I had taken note of.
I found my rock!
My peace stone...I found it! And wouldn't you know it would be in the last place I looked. ;) I added that last bit for mom.
*Happiness*
Number two -
When my cats have the hiccups I hate that I am curious enough (and unemployed enough) to watch closely - and for whatever time is necessary - to ascertain whether I: missed the previous funny bodily implosion upheavals; got in on the beginning, and I will be viewing the entire show, or; witnessed a burp and not the advent of kitty hiccups.
Hey, I didn't say they would be two brilliant "...items of note," only that there was something I had taken note of.
9.28.2013
Post-P.S
Turned down a Scripty job on an indie which is due to begin shooting in the state on Monday or Tuesday.
Yes, I turned down another film. Same ol' same ol': 'turds wouldn't respond to important questions such as what would be my daily rate? Also, the Production Coordinator knew absolutely nothing at this late date as far as schedule items (like: of a five-day work week, what are the standing days off?). Did they have a locked script? Nope, but here's version 14 of the (as yet) unfinished work...'enjoy'.
Um, can't line an 'unlocked' script if it's so up in the air that there are multiple changes to it every day.
In addition to all of that, I had received no paperwork - no contract, no NDA, no W2s...no nothin' - so I sent a "no-thanks" email yesterday. Yes, it broke my heart (a little), but I have things going on that I would have had to juggle and allocate to others, and fix, and so on, so it would have been a pain-in-the-end right up to the first minute of rolling camera.
It's better this way.
[yeah, beth, just keep muttering that to yourself over and over - eventually, you'll believe it]
Yes, I turned down another film. Same ol' same ol': 'turds wouldn't respond to important questions such as what would be my daily rate? Also, the Production Coordinator knew absolutely nothing at this late date as far as schedule items (like: of a five-day work week, what are the standing days off?). Did they have a locked script? Nope, but here's version 14 of the (as yet) unfinished work...'enjoy'.
Um, can't line an 'unlocked' script if it's so up in the air that there are multiple changes to it every day.
In addition to all of that, I had received no paperwork - no contract, no NDA, no W2s...no nothin' - so I sent a "no-thanks" email yesterday. Yes, it broke my heart (a little), but I have things going on that I would have had to juggle and allocate to others, and fix, and so on, so it would have been a pain-in-the-end right up to the first minute of rolling camera.
It's better this way.
[yeah, beth, just keep muttering that to yourself over and over - eventually, you'll believe it]
9.25.2013
Hello, again
Not going to wait until the end of the week to post an update. Nope, instead I am going to 'steal' a moment here and fill in a blank or two, then get back to my regular programming.
Heh heh...television humor.
The big news of the week is of course - Brian's 27th birthday! 27! :vO His birthday gift to me was a haircut (his, not mine), and my gift to him was a beautiful pair of woolen socks to wear with his kilt. Hey, those bad boys are hard to come by, and are expensive. Karl bought him a large bottle of clove-infused mead after having tried it at the Renfest. Happy birthday, Brian!
School is progressing about as you'd expect. Comp I for me is going well; for Karl, it's a bit more challenging - but he seems to have a good instructor. Mr. Quincy is (so far) diligent in responding to email, and genuinely seems to care that I want Karl to succeed, and is willing to help through open communication and getting copies of notes from class to K. [insert excited, happy face here]
On the other hand, Web Design is really kicking my keester. It doesn't help that my retrograde PC (and it's outdated IE program - which I can't upgrade past IE9 in order to do the work at home) is conspiring against me. Today I will head into the lab for a couple of hours to avail myself of the tutor and the working program there. [this calls for a cheer and an "oh, crap"]
Maria is enrolled in four classes this semester - GOOD ON YA, M! I would be too, but I waited too late. Although, it's probably a good thing I get my feet wet and ease back into this sort of school work. It's not like Specs was....not by a long shot. This is REAL work, eh? I am proud of you, Maria, keep up the good work!!
Jean is now in her second year of that radiology program (YEA!), and seems to be taking more of it in stride - I think. She is a wonder, because it's a lot of work and practicum on top of it! Plus, she's working one to two days (l o n g days) per week in a radiology facility on top of it! I know it's stretching you thin, lady, but you are a champ!
Mom is mending well, the issues with swelling and pain are subsiding. It's a good thing! Thank you, Lord. And, she still has PBS on her rabbit-eared TV, so is happier than not. It's not the same as seeing some regular network programming and her favorite "Wheel" and "Jeopardy" shows, but PBS is great when that's all there is. And that's WAY better than the alternative "reality TV" BS now offered 70% of the time on the other four channels (which she can't see).
As for me, well...I am the slacker in the group, I suppose. I am teaching somewhere in the neighborhood of two classes a week (the ones that don't cancel due to low enrollment), and taking my own piddily two classes. Pfft. Yes, still sewing when I get a moment here and there, just not enough of those moments any more.
OK, so enough of this for a bit. I need to get cleaned up and ready to meet with the tutor. I'm gonna learn me some web designin'. Hooo-doggies!
Heh heh...television humor.
The big news of the week is of course - Brian's 27th birthday! 27! :vO His birthday gift to me was a haircut (his, not mine), and my gift to him was a beautiful pair of woolen socks to wear with his kilt. Hey, those bad boys are hard to come by, and are expensive. Karl bought him a large bottle of clove-infused mead after having tried it at the Renfest. Happy birthday, Brian!
School is progressing about as you'd expect. Comp I for me is going well; for Karl, it's a bit more challenging - but he seems to have a good instructor. Mr. Quincy is (so far) diligent in responding to email, and genuinely seems to care that I want Karl to succeed, and is willing to help through open communication and getting copies of notes from class to K. [insert excited, happy face here]
On the other hand, Web Design is really kicking my keester. It doesn't help that my retrograde PC (and it's outdated IE program - which I can't upgrade past IE9 in order to do the work at home) is conspiring against me. Today I will head into the lab for a couple of hours to avail myself of the tutor and the working program there. [this calls for a cheer and an "oh, crap"]
Maria is enrolled in four classes this semester - GOOD ON YA, M! I would be too, but I waited too late. Although, it's probably a good thing I get my feet wet and ease back into this sort of school work. It's not like Specs was....not by a long shot. This is REAL work, eh? I am proud of you, Maria, keep up the good work!!
Jean is now in her second year of that radiology program (YEA!), and seems to be taking more of it in stride - I think. She is a wonder, because it's a lot of work and practicum on top of it! Plus, she's working one to two days (l o n g days) per week in a radiology facility on top of it! I know it's stretching you thin, lady, but you are a champ!
Mom is mending well, the issues with swelling and pain are subsiding. It's a good thing! Thank you, Lord. And, she still has PBS on her rabbit-eared TV, so is happier than not. It's not the same as seeing some regular network programming and her favorite "Wheel" and "Jeopardy" shows, but PBS is great when that's all there is. And that's WAY better than the alternative "reality TV" BS now offered 70% of the time on the other four channels (which she can't see).
As for me, well...I am the slacker in the group, I suppose. I am teaching somewhere in the neighborhood of two classes a week (the ones that don't cancel due to low enrollment), and taking my own piddily two classes. Pfft. Yes, still sewing when I get a moment here and there, just not enough of those moments any more.
OK, so enough of this for a bit. I need to get cleaned up and ready to meet with the tutor. I'm gonna learn me some web designin'. Hooo-doggies!
9.16.2013
On the matter of "Infinite frustration"
Brian graciously attempted the sequence to register/login to the online homework management site used by the local jr. college (provided by my instructor) with his BRAND NEW LAPTOP tablet-thingy, and the minute we accessed the Pearson website, his machine turned into an unresponsive black screen!!!
9.01.2013
Been gone, but don't suppose ya noticed
I have been a little preoccupied and a little 'could-give-a-sh*t' over the last week or so. It's been a rough summer emotionally - and an eye-opener in so many ways - that sitting down at the keyboard to write seemed pointless.
No one is going to read [whatever], and the even more distressing and disappointing thought is that most readers would simply skim and absorb next to nothing of what I had to say (as apparently they [YOU] have been), and then never comment. So, I resorted to making very trite entries over the last few months.
My friends do occassionally comment (and I thank you most sincerely, you lovely people - all two of you), but by and large, I am disheartened by the readership numbers versus the commentors. I can safely say 98.9% of the comments are nothing but SPAM, and it makes the disappointment that much more palpable day after day.
I don't require the attention to survive, but if I am being honest with myself, I guess I am blown away by the fact that others blog and garner craploads of comments for seemingly no good reason. Quilt bloggers I have seen have many followers, and every entry receives some sort of feedback. What I don't understand is why I don't get anything by way of feedback; no greetings, compliments, criticisms, suggestions, questions, etc. You get the idea.
I get SPAM for the most part. And not even RELEVANT SPAM. It lacks intelligence; it insults my intelligence, and; it wastes my time.
It has also made me curmudgeonly and bitter, and you 98.9% people aren't worth it any more. You will not be allowed to drill in on my psyche and my self worth any more, so don't be surprised if you decide to look in on the blog one day and find you have no access. If you don't care enough to make an effort (even a little bit of one) why the hell should I?
That's right.....YOU SUCK! - you 98.9%. So put that in your bag of thoughtlessness and carry it around for a while. And while you're at it....bite me! If your readership is lost over this entry, as you can plainly tell, it wouldn't matter in the least. What difference would it make at this point?
Let's see if you respond to this. I am betting there won't be anything of value, one way or the other, left in the comments any time in the next month. If this is so, then you will have more time on your internet-trolling calendar very soon.
Congratulations.
No one is going to read [whatever], and the even more distressing and disappointing thought is that most readers would simply skim and absorb next to nothing of what I had to say (as apparently they [YOU] have been), and then never comment. So, I resorted to making very trite entries over the last few months.
My friends do occassionally comment (and I thank you most sincerely, you lovely people - all two of you), but by and large, I am disheartened by the readership numbers versus the commentors. I can safely say 98.9% of the comments are nothing but SPAM, and it makes the disappointment that much more palpable day after day.
I don't require the attention to survive, but if I am being honest with myself, I guess I am blown away by the fact that others blog and garner craploads of comments for seemingly no good reason. Quilt bloggers I have seen have many followers, and every entry receives some sort of feedback. What I don't understand is why I don't get anything by way of feedback; no greetings, compliments, criticisms, suggestions, questions, etc. You get the idea.
I get SPAM for the most part. And not even RELEVANT SPAM. It lacks intelligence; it insults my intelligence, and; it wastes my time.
It has also made me curmudgeonly and bitter, and you 98.9% people aren't worth it any more. You will not be allowed to drill in on my psyche and my self worth any more, so don't be surprised if you decide to look in on the blog one day and find you have no access. If you don't care enough to make an effort (even a little bit of one) why the hell should I?
That's right.....YOU SUCK! - you 98.9%. So put that in your bag of thoughtlessness and carry it around for a while. And while you're at it....bite me! If your readership is lost over this entry, as you can plainly tell, it wouldn't matter in the least. What difference would it make at this point?
Let's see if you respond to this. I am betting there won't be anything of value, one way or the other, left in the comments any time in the next month. If this is so, then you will have more time on your internet-trolling calendar very soon.
Congratulations.
8.15.2013
8.11.2013
Greater MI disappointments
Well, they abound, those MI disappointments.
I guess I've always known I could count on being let down by my MI relatives - e v e r y time.
You know that story, "Man Without a Country"? Well, I am a woman without a family. Good to know I have some things I can truly always count on.
Some people have probably just realized (or not) that they've been eliminated from the ol' FB page. Happy day for you all! Merry Christmas.
I guess I've always known I could count on being let down by my MI relatives - e v e r y time.
You know that story, "Man Without a Country"? Well, I am a woman without a family. Good to know I have some things I can truly always count on.
Some people have probably just realized (or not) that they've been eliminated from the ol' FB page. Happy day for you all! Merry Christmas.
8.05.2013
Challenges
A friend on a social network site challenged people to use one word to describe their 'ex.' Some folks answered directly and quickly, and some of them wrote paragraphs based on the answers of others.
I was neither of those; I asked whether or not I could hyphenate my answer - because one word was not going to accomplish the task.
Disappointing.
Underwhelming.
Philanderer (although "cheater" sounds clearer).
Abusive.
Drunkard.
Hurtful.
Lackluster.
Unfaithful.
Serial liar.
Uncommited.
Thoughtless.
Those are the most immediate thoughts which popped into my mind, but a more fitting word would be "regretful".
No, he has/had no regrets - rather, the regret is on my part.
I regret having continued with the marriage past the birth of my first son; I regret allowing my inlaws to sway my feelings to the point of closing my eyes to the big/bigger issues (a familial history of drinking to excess); I regret wanting to believe his lies and excuses when caught redhanded with evidence of cheating; I regret allowing myself to feel guilt with thoughts of leaving him to begin a happier life (which I should have done sooner); I regret marrying him in the first place, and not insisting upon one of several other options we could have embarked on (and no, abortion was not one of those).
So many regrets. More than I've listed here. More than I care to indulge in here, but this would be my list of words, any one of them appropriate, but not enough. Not completely, at any rate, but "regretful" comes closest, I suppose.
I am trying to put him out of my mind, trying to make up for lost time, trying to let go of those regrets.
This is a challenge.
I was neither of those; I asked whether or not I could hyphenate my answer - because one word was not going to accomplish the task.
Disappointing.
Underwhelming.
Philanderer (although "cheater" sounds clearer).
Abusive.
Drunkard.
Hurtful.
Lackluster.
Unfaithful.
Serial liar.
Uncommited.
Thoughtless.
Those are the most immediate thoughts which popped into my mind, but a more fitting word would be "regretful".
No, he has/had no regrets - rather, the regret is on my part.
I regret having continued with the marriage past the birth of my first son; I regret allowing my inlaws to sway my feelings to the point of closing my eyes to the big/bigger issues (a familial history of drinking to excess); I regret wanting to believe his lies and excuses when caught redhanded with evidence of cheating; I regret allowing myself to feel guilt with thoughts of leaving him to begin a happier life (which I should have done sooner); I regret marrying him in the first place, and not insisting upon one of several other options we could have embarked on (and no, abortion was not one of those).
So many regrets. More than I've listed here. More than I care to indulge in here, but this would be my list of words, any one of them appropriate, but not enough. Not completely, at any rate, but "regretful" comes closest, I suppose.
I am trying to put him out of my mind, trying to make up for lost time, trying to let go of those regrets.
This is a challenge.
7.01.2013
FINALLY
Today the humtididdity (make that "humidity") is low enough to paint and finish the long wall I have been dying to complete (and then repair and paint) - since forever. However, I also absolutely must finish up a bit of quilting I've had to put off because of the recent sticky, crappy weather.
Aaaargh! I hate this sort of conundrum. I really must get after both of these activities since this lovely, workable weather won't be with us for long.
I am stymied by the lack of hours in a day.
Well, since I now have an appointment with a quilt appraiser in order to complete paperwork for my AQS entry, I suppose the quilting bit should take priority. And, I suppose I can live with the fact that I did manage to spend some time cleaning, dusting, sanding, cleaning again, taping off and mudding newly found areas of craptasticness along the wall to be painted, so I guess I really did manage to stick my mitts in the house repair stuff - even though it wasn't the actual applying of color that I so wanted to get to. [sniff]
Dagnabbit and darnitalmighty!
I now give myself permission to touch the quilting!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Oh, did I remember to say that one of my quilts made it into an AQS contest?!? Wahoo!!!!
Aaaargh! I hate this sort of conundrum. I really must get after both of these activities since this lovely, workable weather won't be with us for long.
I am stymied by the lack of hours in a day.
Well, since I now have an appointment with a quilt appraiser in order to complete paperwork for my AQS entry, I suppose the quilting bit should take priority. And, I suppose I can live with the fact that I did manage to spend some time cleaning, dusting, sanding, cleaning again, taping off and mudding newly found areas of craptasticness along the wall to be painted, so I guess I really did manage to stick my mitts in the house repair stuff - even though it wasn't the actual applying of color that I so wanted to get to. [sniff]
Dagnabbit and darnitalmighty!
I now give myself permission to touch the quilting!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Oh, did I remember to say that one of my quilts made it into an AQS contest?!? Wahoo!!!!
6.17.2013
Goliath
Moved a lot of stuff yesterday afternoon in order to get to the wall I wanted to fix (and ultimately paint). Another crack had developed around the framing of the window which once existed in the south wall, so besides the fact that the color was wrong, I also couldn't get past seeing that darned crack reappear!
In all honesty, I noticed the crack a few years back, but had turned a blind eye to it for a lot of reasons, but all of that has changed recently. I won't go into it now, just trust me when I say I've hit my limit.
I have been ruing the day I ever began rehabbing/remodeling this typical 1950's ranch-style house. Oh, for lots of reasons, but mainly because of all of the rotten people who I ended up trusting and hiring, and who ultimately let me down. I am a fairly poor judge of character it appears.
All of that a n d it seems repairing one item seems to make another two or three issues come to light.
But this morning, I awoke feeling a bit more hopeful after yesterday's burst of renewed energy.
I moved all of the boxes of stored dinnerware (which still cannot go "home" because that space is nowhere near ready for it), began the drywall repair in a fairly big way, and pared down the color choices to paint that expanse of wall, the adjoining joist-into-hallway wall (and the living room ceiling) to no more than five colors! Two for the overall wall, two possibles for the ceiling and maybe two for the joist (but one of those is a very strong contender)!
"That's six!", you yell.
Hey, I can count. Don't worry, my math is sound - two of those are the same color for different purposes...so it's all good.
Trust me, this is a big change. It's a BIG commitment. I've had it with the 'someday' attitude I've fallen into! I want my house back!
At any rate, with all of the moving, vacuuming, and prep cleaning, I disturbed a spider. A wolf spider. Hey, it was bound to happen.
In fact, it was a very large wolf spider.
I didn't see anything of him all day yesterday, but I had my suspicions we would meet one day when I found a lot of cobweb-y stuff.
"How large?" you wonder.
Let me just say when I caught sight of him running an Olympic sprint across the half wall very early this morning - and he was pulling a VW Beetle behind him at the time - he was astounding! He was booking, baby!
I mean to say he was one of the largest I had ever seen indoors or out, and superfast. Why he stopped moving when I approached him with a shoe is beyond me; except, maybe because he has been living in this house for an apparently good long time, he was most likely used to the noises and comings and goings. Nothing was going to faze this Godzilla arachnid, least of all a freaked out fat woman with a sneaker.
And I truly believe this spider was also probably the one who moved the frig away from the wall one night!
Yes, THAT large! I'm telling you........even Flop wouldn't approach it, and she loves chasing down bugs and spiders when she spies one. LOVES it!
My big fear right now is that this eight-legged behemoth may have been a mommy and not a dude. So, do I need to worry about revenge from a hoard of angry gargantuan babies any time in the near future?
In all honesty, I noticed the crack a few years back, but had turned a blind eye to it for a lot of reasons, but all of that has changed recently. I won't go into it now, just trust me when I say I've hit my limit.
I have been ruing the day I ever began rehabbing/remodeling this typical 1950's ranch-style house. Oh, for lots of reasons, but mainly because of all of the rotten people who I ended up trusting and hiring, and who ultimately let me down. I am a fairly poor judge of character it appears.
All of that a n d it seems repairing one item seems to make another two or three issues come to light.
But this morning, I awoke feeling a bit more hopeful after yesterday's burst of renewed energy.
I moved all of the boxes of stored dinnerware (which still cannot go "home" because that space is nowhere near ready for it), began the drywall repair in a fairly big way, and pared down the color choices to paint that expanse of wall, the adjoining joist-into-hallway wall (and the living room ceiling) to no more than five colors! Two for the overall wall, two possibles for the ceiling and maybe two for the joist (but one of those is a very strong contender)!
"That's six!", you yell.
Hey, I can count. Don't worry, my math is sound - two of those are the same color for different purposes...so it's all good.
Trust me, this is a big change. It's a BIG commitment. I've had it with the 'someday' attitude I've fallen into! I want my house back!
At any rate, with all of the moving, vacuuming, and prep cleaning, I disturbed a spider. A wolf spider. Hey, it was bound to happen.
In fact, it was a very large wolf spider.
I didn't see anything of him all day yesterday, but I had my suspicions we would meet one day when I found a lot of cobweb-y stuff.
"How large?" you wonder.
Let me just say when I caught sight of him running an Olympic sprint across the half wall very early this morning - and he was pulling a VW Beetle behind him at the time - he was astounding! He was booking, baby!
I mean to say he was one of the largest I had ever seen indoors or out, and superfast. Why he stopped moving when I approached him with a shoe is beyond me; except, maybe because he has been living in this house for an apparently good long time, he was most likely used to the noises and comings and goings. Nothing was going to faze this Godzilla arachnid, least of all a freaked out fat woman with a sneaker.
And I truly believe this spider was also probably the one who moved the frig away from the wall one night!
Yes, THAT large! I'm telling you........even Flop wouldn't approach it, and she loves chasing down bugs and spiders when she spies one. LOVES it!
My big fear right now is that this eight-legged behemoth may have been a mommy and not a dude. So, do I need to worry about revenge from a hoard of angry gargantuan babies any time in the near future?
6.12.2013
One month and counting
I've made it well over a month already without visiting facebook. That's right - one month and counting!
For my birthday I gave myself one month "off" for good behavior.
Well, what does "good behavior" have to do with it? Not a thing, actually. I simply decided to stay off of the disappointing treadmill of FB BS for a month to see if my attitude improved, my expectations mellowed, or my reactions to perceived slights and outright rudeness abated a bit.
I highly doubt any of that would be the case, so I am still sans the ol' fb for a while longer. Tell me, has any of the self-aggrandizing twaddle (or the ignoring others' announcements and whatnot) calmed a bit? I doubt that much as well.
It's been nearly seven weeks...and I'm still counting. AND I'm still standing.
Take that, FB!
For my birthday I gave myself one month "off" for good behavior.
Well, what does "good behavior" have to do with it? Not a thing, actually. I simply decided to stay off of the disappointing treadmill of FB BS for a month to see if my attitude improved, my expectations mellowed, or my reactions to perceived slights and outright rudeness abated a bit.
I highly doubt any of that would be the case, so I am still sans the ol' fb for a while longer. Tell me, has any of the self-aggrandizing twaddle (or the ignoring others' announcements and whatnot) calmed a bit? I doubt that much as well.
It's been nearly seven weeks...and I'm still counting. AND I'm still standing.
Take that, FB!
6.01.2013
So it's June, is it?
A number of years ago, this would have been the day I would wish stepmom number one "a very happy birthday," but she passed away a few years back so we don't do that any more. Oddly, I feel more sadness about that than I do about not being able to wish my dad a happy birthday.
Oh, it's not because he too has passed, but because he chooses to not recognise me as his daughter. Consequently, I don't have a father to send cards to and mark holidays and milestones with any longer.
His choice.
His loss.
I do believe I have a new friend or two celebrating a birthday today, so I will instead focus my thoughts and best wishes in their direction - that oughtta fill the void.
And if that doesn't work, I can always keep cleaning. The cats have seen fit this morning to keep my day full of activity and mess. God bless 'em. It began with Flop spewing upstairs. I was awakened by the undeniable gurking sounds of a feline making hairball pudding.
After cleaning mess one; parts one and two, I was reminded that feeding was the next order of the day - and why hadn't I gotten to it, yet? Loud insistent meowing (Hobbes-style - she knows one word) drove me to the kitchen, where cat food was distributed to the hungry throng.
Having completed that chore, I followed my 'downstairs nose' to the cat box. Someone had tinkled over the edge (per usual, at least one time per week), and most of a bladderful load of urine sat precariously in the fold of the liner's edge. Deftly, I sopped up most of it with a paper towel before carefully rolling the bag liner up and over into itself, finding -- you guessed it....another bladder of pee on the other side!
This explained the odor that usually doesn't live in the house.
New liner installed and fresh litter in place, I felt disaster had been averted.
Walking away to wash my hands I was met by a sweetly curious Cleo, who was making her way quickly to the bathroom. I felt good about treating her to the first use of a fresh litter box. She had beaten the other two to first use privileges!
Mounting the stairs I heard a curious (and bone-chilling sound). I turned on my heals and rushed to see Cleo standing in the box but too close to the side, and she wasn't squatting to urinate. Yup. She was now a fuzzy fountain, shooting a healthy stream of endless cat pee over the edge and onto the dry floor!!!
Back to the drawing board and paper towel (and bleach). Apparently she had held her bladder since 1979, because there were flood level waters there to clean.
So....Happy Birthday to all of you June first-ers out there. You go have fun, I'll man the cat box for the day.
Oh, it's not because he too has passed, but because he chooses to not recognise me as his daughter. Consequently, I don't have a father to send cards to and mark holidays and milestones with any longer.
His choice.
His loss.
I do believe I have a new friend or two celebrating a birthday today, so I will instead focus my thoughts and best wishes in their direction - that oughtta fill the void.
And if that doesn't work, I can always keep cleaning. The cats have seen fit this morning to keep my day full of activity and mess. God bless 'em. It began with Flop spewing upstairs. I was awakened by the undeniable gurking sounds of a feline making hairball pudding.
After cleaning mess one; parts one and two, I was reminded that feeding was the next order of the day - and why hadn't I gotten to it, yet? Loud insistent meowing (Hobbes-style - she knows one word) drove me to the kitchen, where cat food was distributed to the hungry throng.
Having completed that chore, I followed my 'downstairs nose' to the cat box. Someone had tinkled over the edge (per usual, at least one time per week), and most of a bladderful load of urine sat precariously in the fold of the liner's edge. Deftly, I sopped up most of it with a paper towel before carefully rolling the bag liner up and over into itself, finding -- you guessed it....another bladder of pee on the other side!
This explained the odor that usually doesn't live in the house.
New liner installed and fresh litter in place, I felt disaster had been averted.
Walking away to wash my hands I was met by a sweetly curious Cleo, who was making her way quickly to the bathroom. I felt good about treating her to the first use of a fresh litter box. She had beaten the other two to first use privileges!
Mounting the stairs I heard a curious (and bone-chilling sound). I turned on my heals and rushed to see Cleo standing in the box but too close to the side, and she wasn't squatting to urinate. Yup. She was now a fuzzy fountain, shooting a healthy stream of endless cat pee over the edge and onto the dry floor!!!
Back to the drawing board and paper towel (and bleach). Apparently she had held her bladder since 1979, because there were flood level waters there to clean.
So....Happy Birthday to all of you June first-ers out there. You go have fun, I'll man the cat box for the day.
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