Slow but steady - inch by inch

Mid-week (last week), after getting home from the D, I was able to cajole the boys into moving the fridge and large 2-piece German cupboard out of their temporary haunts in the living room, and back into the kitchen space. Wahoo!

What a sigh of relief it all was - I mean, after I managed to stop crying and dry my tears over the scuffs that the d*mned fridge made in the floor finish.

Oh, and I am still filling the holes and smoothing the surface in the wall where the cupboard will live (getting ready to paint), but right now, I am liking the changes (though we are far from being done).

Honestly, it is just nice to have walking space in the living room again and not have to plan how to get from the front door to the bathroom without the help of traffic control and street lights!

The cats are not liking the constant state of flux, but I have to say they seem to be adjusting to it all more easily each time it happens. LOL

Little by little.

The biggest problem I am having is not being able to unpack the boxes of dishes currently in storage on the stairwell (all of the things removed from the heavy old antique cupboard prior to moving it out of the way for final demolition and construction).

If only I had a box of patience in that pile of stemware and dishes! Still, it is fun to stand back and look at it now and see progress where, for 6 years or more, there has been nothing but stagnation, regret and mess. It was a constant reminder of failure and bad decisions, but is now a view of hope and promise and determination.

Oh, if you only knew!

I keep thinking of the Three Stooges episode, when one of them (under hynosis?) turns (after seeing a "go slow" sign, or was it one for Niagra Falls?) and says:

"Slowly I turn..inch by inch. Step by step."

Seems to be a pattern

Hello, again. Sorry it's taken a week to get back in here and say something, but it's been crazy busy. The internship with the opera/film project grew legs, and they will take as much time as you will give them.

I was giving them 12 hour days, several days a week (4 on average), and even though they are compensating me for gas, and feeding me (and the boys, as it turns out), the near hour-long drive each way is nearly enough to kill the little bit of enthusiasm I can still muster. The thing that kept me going back over the last two weeks was that those hours were all productive, but over the last several days the work has dried up, and now there is a good deal of down time. Add to that the extra ants to the picnic (interns with no experience and shiny desires of work in the movie industry), and it has become a wait-fest. A day of twiddling your thumbs for hours on end (and it is day after day, lately).

I had quite a bit entered on today's blog, and then the Blog system crashed. As it turns out the system didn't auto save any of it (per the usual autosave function), so I am afraid you are going to have to live with me simply saying how disappointed I now am with this production opportunity.

I love having "a job" and some place to go. I love having people count on me and loving my work, but I loathe not having anything to do for ten+ hours (not including drive time), and sharing that nothing with 3 to 4 greener-than-Kermit interns, all also waiting for something to do. If I want to waste time I can do it at home very easily. As it so happens, I have a lot I need/want to get done before the cold fingers of winter wrap around us and do away with productive time outside (gutters, painting porch posts, weeding - again, etc). I also have work to finish in the kitchen - most especially getting the stove (and the cabinets around it) installed and out of my garage! It can't happen if I am not there. And all I can think of while sitting 40 miles away, twiddling my thumbs, is that I could be mudding the walls, or sanding, or taping and painting, or cleaning, and on and on.

It's frustrating, but then...what isn't any more?

It all just seems to be a pattern in my life lately, and I have to admit that I am not enjoying it.

Brain dead, bone weary

I prefer to go to bed bone weary - over brain dead - but sleepy is sleepy, and if I can sleep hard (and wake up after a night of no tossing and turning) then I suppose I should be grateful.

I am grateful. Sadly, my dead head is covered in bed head!

Remember, all quilting photos & blog entries are now at: www.truenorthquilter.blogspot.com

Nope, didn't put down a fourth coat of poly

Why?

Well, it would have required driving to Home Depot to purchase another sheepskin head for the application. Between gas and the price of the pad, and the fact that it was after ten PM by the time the third coat dried past the tacky point (and HD was closed), I was ready to call it a night. I guess I can always wish I had put down a fourth layer.

I can have the carpenter back in about five days to finish the wall, install the range, hook up the lights and the wall plugs and put in the cabinets flanking the stove (and their countertops). Happy, happy, happy!

Got the gig - an internship......but still, it's work

Yes, internships are typically unpaid. So if you like the idea of working for the chance to shine (in the hopes that those people you are shining in front of will ever recommend you to another production in town, or that you will ever work with them again) - go for it! If you like working your fanny off for the "love of the craft" and an unbridled "passion for film" (first, go suck on a lemon and tone it down a bit), then go for it.

When you are a kid, living at home, that's all good and well, and you have to take those lumps as a green, young commodity. But, when you are an adult with a mortgage and bills, and your pride is gone and hope is very, very dim (but you sort of remember how it smells), then internships are a cheap bastard's way of using you, and you are allowed to get upset when you work several films in a row as an unpaid PA. Invest some money and time, and then you can carry a chip for a while. Another gripe - off topic - is when 'a-holes' (looking for crew) also require you to have your tools, and that they should be allowed to use them during production without paying a package rate. I mean, if they are going to get the labor for free, at least compensate for the equipment.

Back to the regular program.

Now, in some instances, working an internship can be beneficial, and I would say that this feature (opera) I interviewed for yesterday is one of those mutually beneficial arrangements.

Also, this set of "above the lines" is picking up the tab for fuel (there and back, and anything in between), and feeding the life out of the crew - interns and paid posi's ("positions") - while they are on the clock. What's more, the producer and the director I met with were wondering WHY did I not go for one of the paid gigs when they were posted online?

"Quite frankly," I told them, "it looked like a joke ad the way that it was written. Just another doofus looking for work out of production people who want to work...for nothing, and if I am going to work for beer and credit and a chance for a copy of the finished product, I will choose what project I will do that on." They appreciated it, the honesty, and thought the original ad was poorly done also. Ah well. News on it all when I have more to report.

Other news:

In about 20 minutes, I am putting down another coat of the poly on the kitchen floor for the day - that will make layer three overall! With the weather cooperating fully, and the time factor in my favor, a fourth and final coat would be the best way to go - and will be completely doable tonight, too. By tomorrow, the barriers can come down and we can walk on it once more (cats included, the little fur monsters). In 72 hours following the coat drying, the new finish can take light to moderate use, but it will be 7 days until anything large can be brought in over the top of it - at least that's what the can says. The person who layed the floor said he could finish the heavy work (frig moved back in, stove installed, etc) a day or two afterwards...so who do you believe? I would be tremendously upset if the can label was correct and the hammering dude was wrong, and my beautiful floor suffered some hideous disfiguration because of it.

Time to go to work - on the kitchen floor, that is.

Oh, and before I forget, somebody asked what color I am painting the wall between the staircase and the back door. A: I have it narrowed down to deep purple, or a purple-tinged deep grey. One long elegant wall for display...whaddaya think? Yes, the funky green is disappearing with the new color.

Words, words, words, words

To some people, these are just words. Words to be read - simple as that. Nothing more. Once read, they are forgotten.

To me, they are feelings. They are memories. Thoughts, dreams, hopes, wishes, prayers, desires. Messages of satisfaction with myself or my life. Pearls of delight regarding my sons, or anger over something insignificant or large. Dissatisfaction over the bumps in the road or current status, or contentment in the little things that are momentary reprieves through unhappy times.

It's all expressed through words. My words.

I haven't got a job - yet - and truth be told, I am not entirely certain I am ready to shuck the path I have chosen to return to a desk job. I have been applying to both types as I find the positions posted, but as of yet nothing steady, that would at the very least support my family, has presented itself. Not in the last year, any way.

Although, I have noticed that I no longer allow myself the excitement factor when approached with a phone call or an email in response to one of my cover letters striking the fancy of a prospective employer. That momentary glint of hope always gives way to bitter disappointment - whether immediate or after the first interview either over the phone or in person. The hopefulness is short-lived, and always...ALways on their timetable.

As a person looking for a job, you are at the mercy and beck-and-call of "the man."

I have come to hate it...absolutely abhor the thought. When I am asked to go to their location, I am always met by some yahoo who is 'pre-interviewing' because, as it so happens, the real person I would need to speak with is not in that day. Go figure. Then you must make another trip some days later, dressing up AGAIN to impress, only to learn two to three weeks later that they gave the job to a friend or the daughter of one of the office workers - and that's if you ever hear anything at all.

I have even been told a few times during the interview process that they were hoping for someone a little younger. !!!!!!!!! Well, then maybe you should post that in your ad as well. "You must be under 37 to apply for this position."

You know why they don't post that sort of 'disclaimer' or caveat in their job listings? Because it is illegal to discriminate in that fashion. That's right, but it is done ALL the time.

Jaded. Bitter and jaded and very skeptical. I put no stock in any one's words any more. You want me excited you better show me some action and put it in writing. I don't do handstands nor do I feign excitement for your benefit. Hire me or get out of my way and let me keep looking. Someone will be smart enough to take me on, and then you will wonder "why didn't I hire that chic?"

Anyway, it's all just words, and I am simply spouting right now. I am using my words to vent because I am on tenterhooks with the whole situation, and terribly disappointed with my situation and with myself.

At any rate, I have an interview today, with a director in from the UK/Berlin, and he posted looking for interns to work for several weeks on his short. No pay (that is pretty much what "internship" means in film and broadcast work), but meals and a "stipend." If I remember his ad correctly, it's about four weeks of work with approximately 20-30 per week expected. So, I guess we'll see (in roughly 3 and 1/2 hours).

I applied to many projects over the last two days, and was surprised to receive such a quick response to this one because his ad was the oldest, and I would have thought the positions would have been filled already, given the time frame. But, there I go with the 'hopefuls', again.

For now, I am going to move wash from the machine to the drier (no line hanging today, intermittent rain), and get my clothes ready for the conversation.

Ignore the bowl of grapes, bananas, window cleaner & peaches. Look at the floor!

I also want to put down that first layer of poly over the stain on the new floor in the kitchen, so it has a chance to dry before tonight. Need to be in Detroit at 3PM, and there are going to be crowds from the LD Parade and the Jazz Festival to contend with, so parking will be a little tough. So, if I get moving, I should be able to get it all done.

Thanks for stopping by.

Best time of year

For Brian, this is the best time of the year. Not because of the weather, or for love of the trees decked out in autumn golds and reds, but because the Renaissance Festival gets underweigh. For six to seven weekends he dresses up in period clothing and stands in a booth, helping to sell expensive garments and lace women into corsets ("fluffing"). He's done it for close to half a dozen years with this vendor, but began his long run in the kitchens of the RenFest eateries at the age of 15, then moved to hawking food the following year, instead of preparing it.

It was during that second year he found employment with a vendor not working for the MRF, and was happy-ever-after.

He's made steady friendships over the years, and the time spent on the grounds (tho the days are long) buoys his mood and keeps his mind occupied. Even though the festival runs a short time, he makes a pretty good bundle of cash - if he doesn't decide to do something completely stupid like work for merchandise instead of pay (which he'd better NOT do again this year). Hopefully, the working hours will help to adjust his sleeping habits to a more normal schedule, which will carry on once the season ends.

His college classes will begin in a week or so, making the time he has to sit and mope about "stuff," and the likelihood of returning to the old sleeping-'til-noon-bit a tad more inconvenient. No, he's not carrying a full load, but he is going to have homework, and that means goofing off time will be knee-capped to allow for actual work (of some sort). [doing the happy dance - me, not him]

It really is the best time of the year.

Zoom! There goes the day

The winds from Earl began stroking our trees and dropping the temps late yesterday afternoon and into the evening, and as the sun went down the temperature went right along with it. Somewhere in the darkness we made it into the low 50s*F, with a prognosticated mid-sixty range for today.

R-r-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ght.

I can't imagine what the winds of a hurricane must be like, but I am fascinated enough to drive somewhere way east of here and find out. With the furnace turned off until the real fall gets here, I am leaving the windows closed until I have to open them. That means once the fumes from staining and poly-coating the floor begin creating visions in my head, that is when I let the fresh cool air in.

What I find odd is that I love sixty-degree temps outdoors, but when the temp drops in my house to below 71 - 72*F, I am chilly as all get out. Why is that? Huh. ~ :^/ [bewilderment and resignation]

Here's goes me, getting on with it. The winds of change are blowing (really, really hard), and I am grabbing the nearest kite and going for a ride! I'll check back in a few hours and let you know the progress.

Things I accomplished v. what I didn't get done

I seem to be stuck in a lull. Job-opportunity-wise, job-hunt-wise, to-do list ticks, quilting work, writing, cleaning...it all seems to have hit a wall. A large brick wall, covered with a thick concrete coating, fortified with re-bar and the skeletons of expectation and doubt. And that's all wrapped in never-ending links of barbed wire and electrified fencing. Then, heaped high on top of it all, is a hefty helping of could-give-a-shit to round it out nicely.

Can you picture that? Can you see where I am sitting?

What has me feeling this way? Why the melancholy? I don't know. It's as if I can't remember the good days and opportunities God has given me here and there over the last year or so.

Every day is tough, and I haven't been one day completely happy in the last three and one half years, because I know no matter what, the happiness and satisfaction of 12 or 24 hours is gone and undone by the next day of uncertainty and unemployment. At the end of a great three week gig is nothing...and I am tired of nothing.

So today, out of my list of needful things to get done, I only managed two of them. Two! Why didn't I push harder, keep the ball rolling while I was in that mode? I dunno.

I read Maria's (a dear friend and a beautiful soul) last three or four blog entries, and I was sincerely touched to find she had mentioned me as something of an inspiration...because I just keep soldiering on in the industry. I find small gigs here and there, and squeeze myself into a new mold just to get work by hook or by crook, but I have to admit I feel so defeated most of the time.

Yet, here she is, starting over after decades of service to the City of Detroit in the DPD, and she sings my praises? Maria has jumped through hoops and attended a year's worth of instruction in alternate energy to become remarkably marketable at a time where the economy is listing and jobs are scarce. But she is putting herself out there and trying to be where it is happening, in the real world, in order to put money in her pocket and food on the table. Despite not getting the nod from two employers, she had a glowing recommendation from an instructor - and that means a lot. She is going places - and she always does it with a smile on her face and a kind word or thought for someone else.

Here, at least I can accomplish one other thing that I have been meaning to do for quite some time.

Thank you, Maria, you are a blessing from God.

Rain, rain, come to stay

Yesterday we had a spit of rain. Nothing to speak of, and certainly not enough to even knock the dust off of the plants. Everyone's yards are crispy and turning shades of brown (if they haven't already), and very few folks are watering their lawns on a daily basis any more, as I witnessed incredulously in years past.

Guess the $ money drought is beginning to open a few wasteful eyes. 'bout time!

It's rained several times off and on today already, and this last little while was a nice slow soaking sort. The humidity has dropped, and the temps are going to be hard-pressed to climb into those high eighties this afternoon...as the weathergoofs were predicting.

You will hear no complaints from this camp. None!

Karl slept in today, past noon! I woke him to check on how he feels, and suggested he remain in bed if he feels weak, but stay awake for a while and read or do something quiet. The pain in his chest has now been absent for nearly two days, and he is regaining his appetite. The diarrhea we have been dreading (as one of the side effects of the Colchicine) began a day ago, but was replaced by soft stool. All good news to be sure.

Oh, and by the way, both boys are taking classes this fall. Brian will try his hand at yoga and composition (at OCC), while Karl takes an experimental animation class and a Maya course. Should make for a busy fall for all of us. If I had any extra cash, I would be busy in a classroom, too.

More another time.

First day of a new month

Welcome to September.

Had a nice surprise yesterday when I walked out the front door and found that my Jackmanii had blossomed - for the first time in at least 6 years! What a fabulous gift.

The poor thing is planted in the wrong sort of light, and while it grows like mad, it hasn't produced a bloom in quite a while. I had thoughts of moving the clematis this year to the backyard, where the sunlight arrives early and seems to dawdle longer, so that it would have more time in the sun (and would not be in the shade of a large tree, either), but I never got around to it. Quite honestly, the place I would like to put it is still not ready for it, either.

At any rate, it has blossomed, and I am enjoying the show.

Have a great day!