To me, they are feelings. They are memories. Thoughts, dreams, hopes, wishes, prayers, desires. Messages of satisfaction with myself or my life. Pearls of delight regarding my sons, or anger over something insignificant or large. Dissatisfaction over the bumps in the road or current status, or contentment in the little things that are momentary reprieves through unhappy times.
It's all expressed through words. My words.
I haven't got a job - yet - and truth be told, I am not entirely certain I am ready to shuck the path I have chosen to return to a desk job. I have been applying to both types as I find the positions posted, but as of yet nothing steady, that would at the very least support my family, has presented itself. Not in the last year, any way.
Although, I have noticed that I no longer allow myself the excitement factor when approached with a phone call or an email in response to one of my cover letters striking the fancy of a prospective employer. That momentary glint of hope always gives way to bitter disappointment - whether immediate or after the first interview either over the phone or in person. The hopefulness is short-lived, and always...ALways on their timetable.
As a person looking for a job, you are at the mercy and beck-and-call of "the man."
I have come to hate it...absolutely abhor the thought. When I am asked to go to their location, I am always met by some yahoo who is 'pre-interviewing' because, as it so happens, the real person I would need to speak with is not in that day. Go figure. Then you must make another trip some days later, dressing up AGAIN to impress, only to learn two to three weeks later that they gave the job to a friend or the daughter of one of the office workers - and that's if you ever hear anything at all.
I have even been told a few times during the interview process that they were hoping for someone a little younger. !!!!!!!!! Well, then maybe you should post that in your ad as well. "You must be under 37 to apply for this position."
You know why they don't post that sort of 'disclaimer' or caveat in their job listings? Because it is illegal to discriminate in that fashion. That's right, but it is done ALL the time.
Jaded. Bitter and jaded and very skeptical. I put no stock in any one's words any more. You want me excited you better show me some action and put it in writing. I don't do handstands nor do I feign excitement for your benefit. Hire me or get out of my way and let me keep looking. Someone will be smart enough to take me on, and then you will wonder "why didn't I hire that chic?"
Anyway, it's all just words, and I am simply spouting right now. I am using my words to vent because I am on tenterhooks with the whole situation, and terribly disappointed with my situation and with myself.
At any rate, I have an interview today, with a director in from the UK/Berlin, and he posted looking for interns to work for several weeks on his short. No pay (that is pretty much what "internship" means in film and broadcast work), but meals and a "stipend." If I remember his ad correctly, it's about four weeks of work with approximately 20-30 per week expected. So, I guess we'll see (in roughly 3 and 1/2 hours).
I applied to many projects over the last two days, and was surprised to receive such a quick response to this one because his ad was the oldest, and I would have thought the positions would have been filled already, given the time frame. But, there I go with the 'hopefuls', again.
For now, I am going to move wash from the machine to the drier (no line hanging today, intermittent rain), and get my clothes ready for the conversation.
Ignore the bowl of grapes, bananas, window cleaner & peaches. Look at the floor!
I also want to put down that first layer of poly over the stain on the new floor in the kitchen, so it has a chance to dry before tonight. Need to be in Detroit at 3PM, and there are going to be crowds from the LD Parade and the Jazz Festival to contend with, so parking will be a little tough. So, if I get moving, I should be able to get it all done.
Thanks for stopping by.
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