Little pearls and love notes

My mother sent me the nicest note, and as I was cleaning out my inbox (trying to make this the one habit I can stick to fairly easily - NY's resolutions, and all of that rot) I ran across it again.

Found this quote by Rabindranath Tagore [edited]: "If I can't make it thru one door, I'll go thru another door --- or I'll make a door. Something good will come no matter how dark the present." Reminds me of you, always making another door.

Made me cry to think this is how she feels about me and my accomplishments/forced changes over the last 1.8 years. Of course the tears were tears of joy, and not the usual mother-daughter residual variety. I think we have finally found our comfort zones - between the space afforded with her location and mine, and the process of email and infrequent phone calls, we have finally managed to begin communicating less adversarial-ly and more like a parent and child should.

God knows the getting there is tough (has been tough), but while I don't think it was meant for [us] to have such struggles in these relationships, I do think it is a way to find (or build) admiration, love, faith, respect and strength into the generational familial equasion.

As I worked through the classes at Specs last year, she was in the background cheering and encouraging...but still gouging and needling at times. I think it is the nature of the beast - the mother beast - and it is hard to overcome. No matter how rah-rah you want to be, there is always that little demon on the shoulder whispering into your ear with the alternative conversations. The: "what-ifs", the "if you had only done (blank) instead of..."-type comments.

Fathers do it as well. They do it to their sons more often than not, and if the father is not careful, he becomes the bully away from the school playground.

There are however, equal opportunity esteem-wrecking parents, who don't mind about the gender boundaries. Hurling insults and self esteem-crushing blows is appropriate in their minds no matter who might be standing within spewing range. They will even go out of their way to be certain it is rubbed in with extreme fervor. These are the sorts you hope 'get theirs' at an equally appropriate time in their lives.

Personally, there are a few folks I can think of who deserve to be found with a cross town bus in a crosswalk.

All of this simply to say: Thank you, mom, for believing in me, and for helping me to get through this extremely tough period. I love you.