If I had a million dollars

I keep hearing this song run through my head, and more often than not it's this particular line.

First, if I "had a million dollars" it most assuredly wouldn't be one million I would have. Once glutenous Uncle Sam and greedy Michigan reach in and take 'theirs' (or rather, mine), the remaining amount would be significantly less than two-thirds the starting figure. Sooooo......it begs the question:

If I had a million dollars, would it be one million after taxes?

Let's just say that it is. It's one million after taxes.

I already like this math better. A lot better!

Beth has one million dollars and some intentions.

First, she pays off her house and tells the bank to go do some rude things to itself in a corner - with a rake.

Second, she establishes some sort of high-yield fund to continuously pay the taxes and water bills so she doesn't have to deal with the township weenies - they're idiots. She's so smart.

Next, Beth pays off her car so her mom can relax and have some fun of her own (she loves her mommy).

Somewhere in here Beth hires a production team and produces her first short (low budget but quality - AND all of the PAs and interns are paid, too).

A vacation is taken with her family.

Oooo! And she buys that Nikon D90 she has always wanted, WITH the appropriate and necessary lenses.

Oh wait. Flip-flop those last two, because she would very much love to take the camera on vacation (she's a bit of a shutterbug).

She would have her house finished and the furniture cleaned and still have money in the bank - or somewhere earning a high rate of interest - and be putting some away in her retirement account.

Hey! What about helping out some down-and-outs, or a starving nation? Yeah, yeah...I hear you, don't get your shorts in a knot.

Beth would most definitely give to a charity, but it most likely would be to an animal charity, since animals can't help themselves and humans are cruel. And let's face it, animals in shelters are there because of humans, so why help the humans - especially in my neck of the woods?

Yes, if Beth "had a million dollars" she wouldn't be rich, but she would be happy for a while, and relaxed, and be on her way to winning her first Oscar for a screenplay!

Oh yeah, baby!