Found my Easter eggs

If you don't want to read anything negative - if you are only looking for something uplifting - don't read this entry any further. The uplifting portion was the earlier entry...otherwise, this is reality.

You've been warned.

Seriously...I don't want to know about it later if you are offended by these words.

I've been here under 24 hours and she has sniped and attacked nearly the entire time - even in front of two other people. It was unprovoked and unwarranted, but she felt free to let it fly. Fortunately, both of these people understood and they hugged me warmly and sympathetically before departing.

I had decided several months back not to take it any more without responding - to not pretend it doesn't hurt. I had decided it wasn't water off of this duck's back. I wouldn't be mean in return, but a load of buckshot, blame, accusation and/or insult was going to be answered. No longer would her words be met with an understanding silence, which seems to be - to her - permission to continue with the activity.

Her pat answer to any comment regarding her slights is "I'm old." Another oldie-but-goody is "Well, that's not how I meant it."

Oh really?

I have listened to her comment on everyone (criticize, backhand compliment, berate, etc.) when she perceives a slight or an error in judgment, or a fault, or an omission of having her on their to-do lists, and on and on, and now I find I am on that receiving end. She is becoming more openly petty and vindictive, and it hurts to see (but more disturbing to my frame of mind is) it is making me regret spending time with her.

I so desperately need a job, and to get out of this position. I need a place to go, or a job to do; something which utilizes my brain and my talents, my abilities and my creativity. Somewhere, where the people I am around appreciate my effort and time and like it that I am there. Not someone bitter and confused and arbitrarily on your side one minutes and ruing the sight of you the next.

I realize she is like this with most of the caretakers, but the emotional security I need to back me up, to buoy me through the storm was not in place before I walked in here. I am emotionally (and mentally) more fragile now than I have been in over ten years. I lack the confidence in myself that I used to proudly carry on my shoulders.

I miss me.

PS The title has nothing whatsoever to do with the blog matter...it was merely a placeholder.