Challenges

A friend on a social network site challenged people to use one word to describe their 'ex.' Some folks answered directly and quickly, and some of them wrote paragraphs based on the answers of others.

I was neither of those; I asked whether or not I could hyphenate my answer - because one word was not going to accomplish the task.

Disappointing.
Underwhelming.
Philanderer (although "cheater" sounds clearer).
Abusive.
Drunkard.
Hurtful.
Lackluster.
Unfaithful.
Serial liar.
Uncommited.
Thoughtless.

Those are the most immediate thoughts which popped into my mind, but a more fitting word would be "regretful".

No, he has/had no regrets - rather, the regret is on my part.

I regret having continued with the marriage past the birth of my first son; I regret allowing my inlaws to sway my feelings to the point of closing my eyes to the big/bigger issues (a familial history of drinking to excess); I regret wanting to believe his lies and excuses when caught redhanded with evidence of cheating; I regret allowing myself to feel guilt with thoughts of leaving him to begin a happier life (which I should have done sooner); I regret marrying him in the first place, and not insisting upon one of several other options we could have embarked on (and no, abortion was not one of those).

So many regrets. More than I've listed here. More than I care to indulge in here, but this would be my list of words, any one of them appropriate, but not enough. Not completely, at any rate, but "regretful" comes closest, I suppose.

I am trying to put him out of my mind, trying to make up for lost time, trying to let go of those regrets.

This is a challenge.