Changes

It's funny, isn't it, over the course of a lifetime (or a span of years within that lifetime) how we get used to something. How we come to expect a phone call on our birthday from a certain someone, or a Christmas cards from particular friends over the season.

When you open your email, there is always a note from a friend to start your day, or to remind you that you aren't alone or forgotten.

I had this. I had become used to a phone call from one of my uncles on my birthday. I don't know what prompted him to begin this tradition, nor do I know if he held this kind gesture out for other cousins, or for my brothers....I only know that in recent years I began to wait for the phone to ring each passing year just for that call.

Psychologically I believe I have come to depend upon this due to a severe lack of trustworthy and decent men in my life - but that my be over analyzing it a bit. Not that I thought of him as a father-figure, but just a dependable male soul who cared. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

When I was but grade school age he also imparted boy advice and counseling. When there were boy-troubles on the playground I could always go to him and ask, "Why do boys do that?" (whatever it was), and he would always tell me the truth (as unbelievable as it was) and give me advice on how to handle it.

Life changes; people change, too. He'd had changes in his life which kept him from calling on the day last year....but the day after, there he was! We had a nice chat and caught up on everything as usual, and life was good.

It's always the simple things, right?

Well, this year, there was no call. Not from him, anyway, but from an aunt who somehow filled that void and reached out. We chatted for about three hours, and God bless her for not falling asleep, but I could tell a time or three that her other responsibilities were tugging at her, so we said our goodbyes and let life roll on.

A dear friend texted me on the day, and I had other greetings and well wishes from friends and fleeting co-workers.

I received several cards in the mail, mainly from aunts, and of course, my mom - and one surprise card from a cousin in CA!

Much later in the day, mom and I finally got the chance to talk before she left for work (since I had my cell phone off and charging early in the morning), and the boys and another dear friend supplied me with cake and a tasty meal!

All-in-all, it was a nice birthday, so can someone please tell me why is it that I still miss that particular uncle phone call?

Satisfaction

When everything goes 'according to Hoyle" there is a certain amount of satisfaction derived; even if you only manage to get half of the garden weeded. Looking out over that lovely bunch of groomed bed swells your senses and urges you to complete the task when time permits. However, in the meanwhile, you can bask in the glory of a lot of hard work and in the knowledge of what the garden will look like when the task is completed.

Of course, if you are the superficial type (or a supervisor), you gain no satisfaction from any sort of outcome. Yours is a soulless existence. If this is you, please move along and find another blog. Go ahead....toddle along. [tick tock]

We'll wait. [tick tock]

Please close the door behind you. Thank you!

A sense of well-being and contentment no matter what the errand or project or voyage or chore; that feeling of pride and accomplishment is wonderful and well-deserved.

Hey, if you don't derive a bit of satisfaction in a job well done (esp. after cleaning the bathroom), then there is something seriously wrong with you.

Back in February, when these classes (I am currently enrolled in) began, I had that satisfaction from not only passing the tests each week with flying colors, but in studying for them and understanding the reading material. Here we are, months later, and I am so ready for it to be over! With the seasonal changes in the weather, I am itchy to be outdoors on nice days instead of at the table making flashcards and re-reading about patients rights and the CPOE....or is it the PCOE?

I hate looking at the quilt hanging on the layout wall and thinking only about rearranging the color blocks instead of concentrating on the pericardial sac and its function. I find myself constantly wishing it was Friday so that I can play instead of study. Argh!

I am constantly musing over how to rearrange the lower level furniture instead of drilling over the forms for patient care.

Concentrate! I can't make myself do it any more. Not for these classes. My sense of satisfaction with this small portion of my life has evaporated. Pffffap! Gone.

Does anyone know how to get it back? It isn't as though it was knocked off the coffee table and rolled under the sofa. No, it's more like it packed a bag and ran away from home.

Come back, little Sheba!

Everyone tells me to be happy in looking forward to the classes being over with in just a very small handful of weeks. I know they are right, but it doesn't help as I am a pragmatic now-ist. Yeah, I can see down the road. I can usually see the big picture - paint in broad strokes and all of that.

I can picture the future, but my realistic side has complete control over my psyche for the time being, and it keeps seeing the class glass as nowhere near empty, yet. Instead of so many weeks down and only X amount to go, it dwells on/in the disbelief of weeks still to go.

Yeah, my psyche is a bit of a drama queen.

Right now, I am taking satisfaction in the knowledge that my bathroom is clean(er than it was).

:^)

Happy birthday.........to ME!

That's right, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!Take that, universe - I've still got it and I ROCK!

Maria and regrets & thanks & what was I thinking?

So, yesterday I let myself be spirited away....from studying. HA!

No, actually, I willingly walked away from it in the late afternoon to meet up with Maria and gab for a bit. Something I've been wanting to do for some time, now.

WARNING: Digression ahead

You know those things you want to do - mean to do - and they just keep finding the wrong end of a long stick. You keep shaking that stick and breaking off the tip to make it shorter, but somehow it always manages to grow at the thicker end? It just never gets shorter and the tasks never get easier or more pleasant. Do you know what I mean?

Do you?

Well, I should've just turned my 'stick' around and grabbed the big end a long time ago and made myself happy for a while. Thank you, Maria, for ALWAYS being such a kind and understanding (and seriously forgiving) human! I do not deserve you.

See, Maria is my never-get-to-end. I don't know why, and I don't want her to think I am intentionally (or, unintentionally) taking her for granted.

Well, anyway, she was up in my neck of the woods Wednesday to look for an outfit for a funeral she'll be attending this weekend. She phoned ahead to ask if I would like to join her (and I did, I DID want to), but in my infinite ignorance I declined, because I thought I needed to keep my head buried and follow my usual routine of study, study, study to get these three chapters (OK, two chapters and one long additional unit) into my head a bit deeper; and to work through the remainder of the workbook assignment also due this week - I'm still not done with the writing portion.

I keep telling myself I need to continuously review and not stray from my routine. Well....PHE! Do you know I spent equal amounts of time trying to concentrate and feeling like a heel, wondering why I simply didn't just get up and go.

What I managed to do was to refuse myself the luxury and fun and privilege of Maria's good company and to catch up - I mean really ask those questions I have wanted answers to about how she is and how stuff is transpiring in her life.

What was I thinking?

Well, the time was entirely too short, and M was about as lovely and gracious as ever, and I still managed to not inquire about her hand - how it's healing - and to get into what she meant by "friend-ing her", because I can't find her on the myfaceyspaceypage-thing-a-majig.

Ah, well. Things left for the next time - which will happen sooner rather than later, and will be in her neighborhood...because I want to see her new house - whatever phase it's in currently! I want her to show me the gardens and activities she's been involved in since she took her Master Gardening course!

Lastly, I want her to know that I am very thankful for the impromptu grub she treated me to so we could sit and eat and catch up before she went back to the city and I buried myself once more in my books and forms.

THANK YOU! Next time this little sister gets the check! Oh yes I am!

OK, now I really have to get back to work. Sheeeeeeeeeez-ah!

I REALLY don't want to study any more

I'd rather be outdoors in the garden (wet and dirty), or holding a sound stick - 18 floors up in a derelict, powerless Detroit building - than studying any more.

Really....I would!

Not feeling it

Well, I guess I haven't been as effusive and informative this month - go figure.

Possible points of interest over the last couple of days:

- In less than a week I will be celebrating another birthday (my own, not someone elses), so I would welcome birthday greetings by week's end....thank you. : )

- I now have another quilt commission - only my fifth - but it never ceases to make me happy! A paying job is a paying job!

Also, the thought that someone somewhere will be living with (and enjoying) something I made, for years to come, gives me a special thrill. You can watch that progress (if you're so inclined) on the quilt blog.

Otherwise, no news.

Huh. That must be 'good news' then, eh?

Perspective

In the grand scheme of things...I am good!

As the world turns...things are pretty OK.

Despite all evidence to the contrary...life is grand.

Compared to others...it could be worse.

That said, of course we should never compare ourselves to others. Not to folks who have, and certainly not to those who have not (or, who have less). This sort of comparison will never be a fair assessment or indicator of any kind. Besides, if you really took the time to compare your (whatever) to theirs, you would find apples and oranges - and if you don't get that analogy, you've got other things to concentrate on first!

EVERYbody's life and ladder and happenstance is unique to them and their situation - because our lives are what we make them.

Yes, [my] life is "grand" - the current circumstances are complete shite, but life is grand! I am alive, my sons are fine in every way, the sun is shining, we have room to roam, the cars are working, I don't owe the taxman, I still have a grandma living and a wonderful mother, good friends, and talent up the wazoo to work with. Of course, there's more, but you get the idea.

So, if you will excuse me, I am off to mend my circumstances and find a better ladder to climb. My current ladder is completely out of rungs!

Tax day 2012

Money.

It's true, the world does revolve around it. There's no escaping it.

You can't live without some of it, and you most certainly can't die without some to pay for the casket.

You can't barter for groceries, or electricity for your home, or with the county over the water bill. They all want some money. Your money (makes sense since they're your bills).

And every year, come hell or high water, Uncle Sam comes greedily sniffing through every part of your life to be certain he's gotten his share.

Whatever happened to our government "...of the people, by the people, and for the people..."?

Just a passing thought on this day of government bureaucracy at its 'gimme-est.'

Passed my mid-terms

All is right with the world; mid-term tests are done and I made it through with room to spare (and then some)!

[sigh of relief]

Brian is suffering through another work funk and I am having a difficult time not 'gaaagghhh-ing' at him to look for something else. Step outside your comfort zone and try! See what options exist and learn something about yourself!! Try...at least try!!! [pant, pant, pant]

Even though he hears me say that it is far easier to find another job when you are already working, I am not sure he is taking that to heart.

Long pause [heavy sigh]

Ah, well.

On another page: Beautiful sunshine this morning, just like yesterday. So many things on my "want to do" list, but many more things on my "need to do" list, and I am combing through them looking for cross-referenced items to make the biggest impact.

And I'm combing, combing, combing....

This may take a while, so I will meet you back here in the near future. Have a great day!

Thought I was seeing things

As I entered the bathroom this morning I half-registered the image I saw through the window.

To my mind's eye, I had just witnessed a Washington, D.C., cherry blossom petal drift past the window!

Ah, cherry blossom time. I have always heard people speak of the beauty of cherry blossom season, and how lovely it is to stand among the cloud-like lanes of fluffy pink, blossom-laden trees.

Upon sleepy introspection, I realized it most certainly couldn't have come from D.C., since the typical air currents wouldn't have blown the right direction for it to have covered that much ground so far to the west (and somewhat north).

Nope, I rationalized, this cherry blossom petal was from Traverse City! Still, a long way from home, but it made much more sense...yes it did!

Moments later I was standing in the kitchen when I looked out another window, only to be met with the sight of a light flurry of those petals! It was then my mind woke up fully, remembering the weather weenie's promise of snow early on today...."if it happens."

I think I much prefer to remain thinking these are cherry blossom petals, if you don't mind.

OK, ok....

...so I've not "quit."

I'm still paddling (with a very short oar).

Treading water.

I'm soaking in it.

Wallowing, even.

Geez, all this moist talk has made me suddenly incontinent. Hang on - I'll be right back.

[time passes]

Are you still here? Ah, there you are. Thanks for waiting.

There's really not much to tell, although I have been called on the carpet for seemingly throwing in the towel and not explaining myself at all. But, haven't you just ever had one of "those days?" You know the sort I mean; when the apex of stupid stuff finally hits the summit of your tolerance level and you implode (or explode, even).

Well, I finally had enough the other day and vented out here. A few of you asked, and it's funny, but in explaining the issues and my feelings, I actually felt worse after sharing the what's-its and whys, than had I just not said anything and grunted a bit to make you all go away. It felt like because it was my stuff - not making sense to others (because it's not their feelings and emotions or issues) - that it just wasn't 'stuff-enough' to have a tantrum over.

"Suck it up" is actually how I felt (and interpreted) the responses coming at me.

Between crap communication, the lack of communication from others, the inconsideration of people, the choices I have had to make recently, the bills waiting to be paid, the lack of work, etc., etc., I just needed to channel 'it' somewhere other than through an open window at my neighbors (they don't much appreciate it -- go figure). A-a-a-a-nd I'm tired of studying. [primal scream]

Anyhow, I think I am done (feeling like a poopy-head) for the time being...but we'll see.

Oh, crap, and I still can't locate my mobile phone! Argh!

*Deep breath.*

I QUIT!!!!!!!!

I QUIT!

Tickled pink

Which is an appropriate color for the holiday season we are commercially 'hopping' through.

I finally sent the regretful note (I was not looking forward to sending) - the 'thanks-but-no-thanks' note to the overseas quilt show/symposium that wanted to hang my latest quilt as the finale' in one of its exhibitions.

I was excited, flattered, dumbfounded, tickled pink, eager and trepidatious - all at the same time - but I was almost equal amounts disappointed and deflated.

Weighing the pros and cons, the good with the bad, etc., I ventured off to my homeowners insurance agent to inquire after insurance for my beloved quilt...my artistically-crafted fabric wall hanging. I was told I could purchase extra coverage for it - beyond the scope of my homeowners policy - but that it would be an amount I wasn't going to be able to part with. Also, they did not appraise its value at the estimate I had given, nor did they think the value was realistic!

"After all, it's not like we can find the value in a Kelly's Blue Book, like we can for a classic car."

Tthhpppppppbbbbbt to you, triple vowel!!!!!! [nose-thumbing and raspberries galore]

At any rate, I totally expected to either receive NO response to my note (the frosty silent treatment), or to receive some amount of ridicule or chiding. Instead, the organizer of the event told me he was a big fan of my quilting, and that he would be delighted to feature any of my works in his magazine at a future date!!!

Maybe pink isn't the color....but I am definitely tickled.

Tickled...tickled...TICKLED!!!

Not a naturally occuring color

As I looked in the mirror a number of weeks ago, I determined it was time to cut myself some slack and cover my grays -- and a hat just wasn't going to cut it.

"Self," I said, "your color is getting a little drab. Washed out. You're looking spent, and nobody wants to hire a lifeless-looking thirty-something-year-old."

Shhh! critics - quiet! Friends....shaddup! ;^)

Slack cut and apportioned out, I sucked up my pride (again), and headed off to the nearest haircare aisle. Merely wanting to cover the encroaching gray - and the pallor of dish wateriness that was once a crowning glory - I bought a box of 'defense' at the local store and went to work.

Not being the least bit clever in the girl-ish ways of hair maintenance, I glooped on the product and waited the requisite time period specified for the petrified and graying populace in the directions.

Ding!

Set about rinsing the concoction from my head only to find I am left with a color which does not naturally occur in any one's hair (with deference and respect to Lucille Ball).

Where's that hat?

Happy birthday, once again!

To my 'little' brother.

Psst...they say it's your birthday. Pass it on.

Not

There may be a lot of things that I am, not the least of which includes being: funny, intelligent, creative, outgoing, caring (for the most part), unemployed (for the time being), capable.....geez, the list could go on and on, but let's get to the point.

I am NOT: Protestant (not that there's anything wrong with that); not an Aries (I am much better than that); not a magazine reader or subscriber (well, maybe I will read through the boys' Smithsonian when it arrives); I am nobody's fool, and: I do not have an aol account!

I really don't know where these BS information sites get their intel, but it is easily 60% to 80% incorrect. The fact that they post their fiction with little fear of retribution, or care regarding damage they may do to some one's good name or reputation, exceeds all reason.

Of course, the real reason I object to this propaganda is that there are some prospective employers out there who take everything they get off the web for the 'gospel', and God help you if they really think you spend time and money surfing the web for dates or twee-itering.

Hey, Mr./Ms. Employing Entity! If you want to know something about me, ask ME!