Overtures

Overtures signal change.

The dictionary says otherwise - "a prelude, a musical introduction, a beginning," according to Webster's.

Overtures happen all around us all of the time, whether we notice them or not. They happen in our everyday lives. They happen in nature, in business, as a course of aging and learning...in living and dying.

Overtures aren't just for operas and orchestral arrangements any more.

The last couple of days I've been with my grandmother, and I have noted a decline in her energy level. More naps during the day, and they last longer and the sleep seems much deeper than before, too. Less willingness to go out and ride the scooter, let alone her lack of desire to go for a walk outdoors. She still takes a stroll around three halls, but usually she returns to the apartment saying she couldn't go the distance..."so maybe I'll go do the rest later."

I am fearful of saying goodbye to her, and I know this is selfish.

She is ready to go. She wants to go; step into death and not be here any longer.

We have many conversations, Gram and I. Some disjointed and hit-and-miss on the topic; lots without any sort of clear identifiable topic; many regarding her bowel movements (or perceived lack there-of); but many more dealing with why God won't let her simply pass off her mortal coil and join her family. "I'm the last one, everybody else is gone," she muses bitterly, wistfully. And she is the last of her generation.

She misses her bothers and her sisters-in-law. She misses dear friends. She misses Grandpa. She thinks about why she is still here and what good is coming of it, and questions why He has not called her home.

Gram aches to be out of her body, desirous to be liberated from brittle bones and bladder discomfort. Her sense of purpose long since spent and her independence now replaced by many companions sleeping in her spare room and monitoring her every need and activity. She is ready.

So she goes along from day to day waiting on the phone to ring, hoping for a card or note in her mailbox, following routines that include pills and salt water and a morning cup of coffee while watching the morning show with the sound turned off. Her walks around the halls sometimes result in casual flitters of conversations with other residents, and her return to the apartment means a recounting of the meager encounters.

I tell her instead of waiting for others to begin a chat, YOU engage them in conversation. Lose your apprehension and knock on a door and say hello, but use your time to your advantage so you can share a smile and stave off someone else's loneliness. In doing this, you will ultimately lose hold of your own fears and forget to wish for being 'elsewhere.'

I say, hum a new overture, no matter who's definition you harken too. Play a new melody.

Oh, for Heaven's sake

If it's not one thing, it's another. I know just how right that is, too.

I am having a crisis of faith - the "big kind" and in myself, and I really couldn't tell you which one is worse.

Instead of things getting better (or, at least plateauing), they seem to be free-falling into more chaos and uncertainty. I didn't really think things could get any worse, so I figured improvement and something would come of my efforts over the last two years...instead, I seem to have found the world's biggest employment black hole.

Is there a viagra-type pill for my career?

OH wait, what am I saying?

I haven't got a 'career' as such...only a career choice.

And, even if there was a pill, I wouldn't be able to afford it anyhow.

Overdue dinner menu

Chicken Pot Pie.

That's what I made for dinner last night because I thought the weather was so appropriate, and my tastebuds were calling out to me.

And wouldn't you know that the weather is about a million times worse today, and chicken pot pie really sounds good. Alas, the boys demolished it last night, and when I looked in the fridge this afternoon, I found a portion left in the container! That's right, one wedge! One!! And Karl just ate it.

Well, I guess their mama can cook, and I should be glad they have good appetites. I am simply surprised that pie didn't last a little longer, it was pretty big.

Handmade crusts, diced potatoes and carrots lightly pan roasted in butter and canola oil. Onions coarsely chopped to sprinkle as a hefty layer over the layer of vegetables and pre-cooked chicken, and a final liberal topping of peas before the seasonings were added and everything went into the oven for about an hour and a half.

Man! I am telling you the smell of that pie baking was enough to make me forget a lot of the rest of yesterday. From time to time I would look over at the girls sleeping on the bed, and Hobbes would lift her little face towards the kitchen and sniff the air. You could see it in her eyes when her gaze met mine...'when is it going to be ready to eat?'

Let's hear it for comfort foods!

For now, I am stuck trying to figure out what we will have tonight. Whatever it is, it is still in the freezer or yet to be conjured from contents of the pantry and cupboards. Now that it is 6pm, it had better become apparent pretty darned quick. Although, Karl has just eaten that last piece of pie, so he should be OK for a while, and Brian is out with friends for the evening - so he is on his own.

Mystery dinner it is, and I am thinking we'll have it on the European timetable, too.

Bon appetit, everyone!

Over the river

OK, well, we pass a few bodies of water, and I do think (technically) we cross a river on the way...but the important thing is that we visited grandma Schaffer and my mom for dinner, and spent some time playing cards and Sequence while visiting. I will be back to stay with Gram on Sunday, so I am preparing for the five day stay now.

This time I will be taking my sewing machine along for those moments when...

Yesterday was beautiful, and I am having a hard time believing that today is warmer (or will be) than yesterday! It is too overcast, chilly and windy to make it to the predicted 70*F promised. But then, I am beginning to find most things promised are never delivered.

Going back to my sewing and sorting. Making hay while the sun shines, for tomorrow they are promising more rain, colder temps and dreariness. Somehow, I think they will find a way to make certain those things come to fruition.

The buggers!

Onions and mushrooms and butter and spinach

Mmmmm....sounds like quiche.

I put butter out in a bowl a couple of days ago, and I think I was going to make peanut butter cookies. I was in the mood for an apple pie, but those darned cookies sounded so good. So I made neither!

Now, I am wanting quiche, but need to pick up spinach and more mushrooms to make it happen. I used the last of the spinach earlier in the week when I sauteed it with red peppers and onions (and a healthy dose of 'shrooms) to put in omelette's for the boys.

That reminds me, I need to get eggs as well.

But, if I make a smaller quiche, and settle for a smaller apple pie, I could make both the pie and the quiche and just keep dreaming about those peanut butter cookies.

Oh, and that reminds me I need to pick up bread, too. Karl and his PB&J sandwich cravings have left us bereft of bread.

Ode to joy

Joy is experiencing the thrill of a Saturday morning theatre - light (almost non-existant) crowds and a $5 movie!

Holy schmoly, why did no one ever tell me how cool (and inexpensive) it is to see a new movie that way?

My boyfriend was splendid, and lovely, and his co-star was pretty darned good, too. Sorry Jean, but Gerard will always be the master of all I survey, and it truly has nothing to do with his striptease and close-on butt shot...and shirtless walk to the car in cuffs and low-slung jeans. Holy cow! and thank you Mr. Director!

Acting schmacting...you can't fake pecks, an incredible six-pack and mmmmmm-yum yum body.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you!

Go see Law Abiding Citizen.

Now, add to that the supreme satisfaction of an MSU win over Northwestern this afternoon (homecoming weekend for the Spartans), and you have a pretty good day. Top it with a nap and peanut butter cookies, and...well, what can you say? A little bit of quilting and the promise of warmer temperatures for tomorrow (maybe the chance to pull some freaking weeds from the once pretty flowerbeds) would be all it takes to turn this wreck of a life around.

Everybody, be well and happy.

Oh, happy day!

We once again have heat!

The round little character who appeared in our driveway less than 20 minutes ago (a cross between Peter Lori and an unkempt Charles Laughton, with an English dental smile) informed me that he could have easily been here yesterday - even last night - to have fixed this quick-fix problem! There would have been no charge, and no extra bother for him.

Oh, and the kicker...he said I wasn't the first person to tell him that the initial call to DTE was more than two days old. That, indeed, no service call is to ever be more than a 24-hour wait!

Somebody at DTE deserves a good swift kick where the sun doesn't shine - repeatedly.

Thank you round little Richard.

Now, where are my work boots?

Odysseys abound

There is an expression, "camping in your own backyard", but doggone it! We are not in the yard!

I like to wander and experience adventure as much as the next person, but I do not believe you should have the camping experience in your home!

The furnace repair person has a four hour window to get here, but that four hour window doesn't start for another 2.5 hours! Thankfully, we are now in the daylight hours so the temps will begin to climb soon. Also, it could have been much worse weather-wise, making being here much more miserable in turn. So, I am thankful for that, too.

I went to East Lansing late yesterday afternoon, with Jean, to see Barb practicing with the marching band - prepping for the MSU homecoming game. It was very cool to watch all of those crazy students high-stepping it and performing their choreographed routines in bone-chilling weather. I had the video camera with and got some neat shots, as well as another pass at the Faygo song, as performed by the Hooahs (most of them, anyway). Now I simply need to edit together the entry for the contest. I'll keep you posted.

Lastly...the quilt is progressing slowly, but here is another shot of what has been achieved, to date. As you can see, I stitched the blocks together into rows, and then assembled a couple of rows together just so I can feel a little more progress over the entire thing. Seeing the rows built gives you a bigger feeling of accomplishment. Yesterday, I spent no time at all on the thing (nor did I work on it the day Karl went to Detroit), so I guess I can feel a little less guilty about working on it today for a while, eh? Not much of an adventure, admittedly, but I will take my little odysseys where I can get them.

Okey dokey

So here is the next chapter in the furnace story:

The outdoor temp got to a crisp 35*F overnight, and the thermostat read 62*F in the house this morning - a five degree drop from the ten o'clock hour. I phoned the repair number listed on the DTE website to take advantage of the service I have been paying for monthly all these years, only to be told the next possible day they could get a repair person out here is FRIDAY!! between noon and four p.m.

Seriously? Call another vendor, please!

I suppose we are lucky the snow hasn't begun to fly and the average temperatures for the next several days will be in the 40's, but really? They can't call another vendor?

I am so happy (and thankful) I had that insulation blown in several years back, or it would be a popcycle-fest in here by now. It won't stay too terribly warm (in the 60's) between now and the next 28 - 30 hours. In fact, without radient heating, the temperature will continue to fall inside.

I do have the fireplace lit and the fan on, but the only area that heats is the open section directly around the largest room, the floor for the boy's rooms directly above (to a small extent) and the ceiling over the staircase - cuz all that lovely hot air travels to the gaping stairwell hole and migrates up...staying in the vicinity of the front door in the living room.

Flop continues to shadow me, despite the fact that her sisters are downstairs gathered on the bed near the fire...typical cat behavior.

Tonight, the boys may well end up sleeping with me in the lower level; them in my bed and me on the couch.

Hey, warm is warm, and it makes the best sense. Besides, this was the reason I had the fireplace installed, now we need to use it. I just wish the damned electric company and the gas creeps weren't profiting from this little adventure. The b-stards!

Pardon me, it's just the cold and the circumstances, and lack of work, and having no car talking. I'll be shiny again another day.

Oh, my gosh!

Are you kidding? If it isn't one thing, it's DEFINITELY another.

Ten o'clock at night and we just determined that the furnace is on the fritz. Brian said he felt chilly all day, but the furnace was working when Karl and I left home for Detroit, so it had to have conked out well into the afternoon hours. When I checked it out about 20 minutes ago, I followed the label on the side of the furnace to restart it, without success. So we are doing the popcycle thing tonight. Fortunately, the indoor temperature is at 67*F presently (it could be worse), and it shouldn't be too cold tonight [insert laughter here]. The boys can sleep in my bed, next to the fireplace, and I can sleep on the sofa right around the corner (it is warmer in the lower level). The fireplace will keep us warm enough for the night, and the repair dude can remedy the situation in the light of day.

What's that you are asking? Oh, yeah, the appointment in Detroit was at the St. John Medical Center's dental offices. We met with an oral surgeon for the initial consult and to get xrays done. God blessed us with this appt, I am certain, and the cost was a mere $60!! What a relief when everywhere I called for a week yielded hugely expensive charges and rates!!! $60 may seem like a lot of money, but the alternatives were staggeringly high! Without insurance, the price of living is too pricey, and without work, insurance is nothing but a dream.

Karl's right two wisdom teeth are due for extraction the afternoon of November 5th, and my mom wants me to have them extract the other two as well. "...as long as he is going to be 'out', why not?" she asked.

I am not in love with that line of thinking to say the least, and I don't want to be bullied into that decision. Plus, it's Karl's mouth after all...

Anyway, the deed is half done, and in a few short weeks, we will be able to take care of some monster problems in K's mouth.

More later, but 'til then be well and warm and thankful for all you have.

Omens and jinxing

Do you believe in that sort of thing?

Jinxes......and omens, for that matter. Do you put any stock in them? Do you find yourself throwing salt over your shoulder should you accidentally spill some on the dining table? Do you feel compelled to ward of bad mojo and voodoo vibes if somebody else utters the phrase "Oh, that nevers happens to me," or "I haven't choked on a lozenge, yet," (for instance) while laying in bed with a cold?

You beg them to knock on wood to prevent fate from evening the score. But do they?

N-noOooOOOooooOOoooo...of course not. This is the type of person who dares the lightening god to hurl a bolt because they think they are immune to that sort of consequential punishment. So what, they spitefully sneer, if they are standing outside during a hellacious storm, wearing a suit of aluminum suit and proffering a long metal rod to the clouds.

"It's funny and the odds are in my favor...and besides, I am wearing rubber underwear and sneakers. Come get me!" they yell at the sky.

Because that hapless nitwit just provoked the challenge, I now must concern myself with the simple issue of walking down the street with him the next time it begins to rain, and wonder - am I standing too close to this marked man?

Ah well, just a funny thought that has followed me throughout my day since watching a new episode of House last night. Well, that, and I had a dream the other night - one of those repeat dreams where the situations, characters and specifics always come out the same (really weird), and you wake before there is resolution, only to wonder if this is something that will happen in time, and will I make the same choices when it finally does.

I suppose this means I need to add "deja vu" to that opening list as well.

Omens and jinxing and deja vu.

Open windows

Today is another Monday, dark and chilly, and filled to the brim on my calendar.

With several chores needing looking after, I will be out the door soon and on the road the balance of the day.

I need to meet the tow truck up at the repair shop to have my trusty Mazda hauled away to a scrap yard, for which I will receive next to nothing $-wise. From there, I will head to the dentist's office to retrieve a referral and a prescription for Karl's wisdom tooth troubles.

Upon returning home (following getting the prescription filled), I will pop dinner into the oven and prepare to head to the UM-Dearborn campus to meet up with Therese and John (among others) to get acquainted with the new digs for this season's round of taping Bible Quiz Time. This is the sound job I have held for the last couple of years, starting off as an intern during the first season, and becoming a paying job last year. The drive is a little much, especially during the southbound morning rush traffic. There is no good way to get to Dearborn from here - no quick way, anyhow - and after an hour+ in the car, I am ready to scream once I arrive. But I have been asked to return year after year, and have received lovely compliments for my work and attitude and ways of dealing with the children participating in the taping. So, that can't be a bad thing, right?

New digs, new equipment, new places to park and familiarize myself with.

Perhaps this open window will lead to another open door.

I pray it will be so.

Oh, yeah, a photo of the latest project

It's fall, so I have begun another quilt...why not.

What else, right?

I happened to be in a position to go into "The Icehouse Quilt Shop" this summer, and after having heard so much about it from a few sources, I was expecting a phenomenal experience. A superb quilters mecca retreat. A feast for the eyes...blah blah blah.

It wasn't what I expected fabric-wise - to say the least - there was a very limited selection. After being spoiled by living near (and shopping at) so many noteworthy quilt shops over the years, with tremendous amounts of material to choose from, I was non-plussed by what I encountered.

Although the building (with it's neat history and lovely antiques scattered here and there) was fun to visit, the real reason I ventured inside was met with disappointment...sad to say.

I did manage to find a few funky materials that sparked a creative note, and I happily bought small amounts of each, making the clerk cutting the third- and half-yard pieces wonder (and ask) 'why so little?' Well, at nigh on $9 per yard, I would have to use the lovely bits sparingly.

Usually, I steer away from oranges and really garish prints, but something about these spoke to me. Just over this last year I have actually been keeping my eyes open for opportunities to add orange to my stash, sparingly and in a very choosey manner. One of the new fabrics was almost retro in appearance, and the other was just too homey and childlike in it's pattern and color palette to ignore. They dared me to touch them and dream.

And so I did. Here are some pictures of the resulting mixing and matching, and the beginnings of the new endeavor.

Snail Trail

It takes about an hour to assemble (2) perfectly stitched squares, resulting in half of one finished block. There are (20) pieces per square, and I scaled the pattern to result in 6.5" sq. raw blocks, so when they are sewn together, the finished blocks equal a foot each (not including the seam allowance). Bound, the quilt will be 3'x4' - unless I add a border or two (and when have I ever not added a border?).

Yes, the blocks are rather small, but I think the time and effort to make this load of triangles come together perfectly is worth it.

I have been working to move a little quicker with the construction, so that the time utilized for each block is less than an hour, and the fastest I can assemble two squares is about 45 to 50 minutes. I must be careful, though, not to stretch or skew the biases during sewing and pressing, or it means a lot more time wasted in removing stitches to reassemble it.

I do love perfectly square blocks.

More later.

Only time

So far, I have wept twice this morning as I begin another October day.

The sun is brilliantly lighting the sky, and it's rays are bouncing off the leaves on the trees. The golds and reds reflecting the light and multiplying it, illuminating the interior of my home in a promising way. You would think this sort of beauty would make you smile, open your heart and mind to happiness and hope.

You would think so.

No, the tears are due to heartbreaking stories. Words and images that touch a deeper place in my heart and resonate too vividly in my mind to avoid feeling that ache, even with the golden sun.

The first opportunity came while watching a story about a four year old girl - whose picture is circling the globe - because she couldn't let go of her father's hand as he fell in to formation, preparing to deploy to Iraq. She was with her family at a military base seeing her daddy off, when the troops were told to fall in. She followed him to the tarmac and hung on against all urging from her parents.

The image tugged at my heart and made me think of everybody who would do the very same thing if they could.

A little while later, I logged online and checked the usual places for more news and mail and greetings from friends, etc. I found news in one online community that a new friend had lost a brother over the last week due to an unfortunate accident, and is suffering this sudden loss along with her family.

A bright, enthusiastic, engaging young woman - I can't imagine her in the throes of this sort of grief.

Aside from losing my grandfather (far too early), I have not had to experience the death of a brother just yet. Thank you, God.

My heart was torn by thoughts of loss - as a mother and as a sibling.

Her brother Jack was, in her words, a Renaissance man...choosing a life of unconventionality. Not quite fitting in anywhere, but going where the wind blew him and choosing to enjoy life no matter what, wedging himself into the things and places he found interesting.

He was a scholarly person, a solitary soul, a happy man, a deep thinker, an adventurer and a member of a loving family. He wrote beautiful poetry and cyphered ancient languages. He lived.

And now, they grieve.

We go on after a loss such as this, knowing somehow things will return to a more normal state over time. The hole will never fully close, the pain will never fully subside, the loss will never totally leave our minds, but that's how we know we are still alive. We are here - we are left behind - so that those who have gone before will never be forgotten.

Only time can get us past this sort of moment in our lives.

Only time.

What will you do with yours?

Gin, my thoughts and prayers follow you, dear friend.

Obfuscation

I guess I am not really obscuring much, not so much as I am currently avoiding most things...at any rate.

Like right now, as an example. At present I would tell you I am doing dishes.

At three in the afternoon? you may query.

Well, yes. This is when I am choosing to curtail other activities in order to stand at the kitchen sink and immerse my mitts in extremely warm soapy water and eliminate the small accumulation of dirty utensils, pans, plates, bowls and the like. What's the matter with doing it in the middle of the day? I would ask you. It's not as though I have anything else more pressing to tend to on this dreary, WET afternoon anyway. I have nowhere to go, and little chance of getting there (wherever it may have been) anyhow...without transportation.

[rasperries to you]

You could have concentrated more on the fact that I am not really doing dishes at this very moment, rather, I am furiously avoiding doing them as well by sitting here on the computer and filling in my own blanks.

But, by the time you figure out what it is I have been trying to point out, I will have already returned to the kitchen and finished the dishes and moved on to another mundane chore.

Have I clouded the issue enough. Have I obscured rational thinking for you for the moment?

You're welcome.

Oh, I know...

You were wondering where I was, what had become of me. Why isn't that woman blogging?

Truth be told, I am in a funk, down and out and as blue (not vulgar) as can be. I found out a week ago - while I was at Gram's doing my grandma-sitting duty - that the rats I worked with in Grayling decided to hire "locally" to fill my position. Despite asking me to travel with them to further xCTC's around the states, I received a last minute email saying they decided to save money and hire locally.

So, for the time being, I am licking my wounds and cleaning house, looking for work, investigating a class or two and quilting to try and elevate my mood.

I'll let you know how it goes.