I was right (amended)

I love being able to type that (say it, sing it, shout it at strangers in passing cars...whatever).

As it turns out, my reluctance to make contact with friends (and potential bosses) at [unnamed company] has proven to be a good call.

I finally did hear from my contact at [unnamed headhunting company] this afternoon, and he has just found out there is yet another whole new process for submitting resumes/candidates for open positions. So even though my resume has already been sent their way once, it will have to be submitted again and churn through the new set of rigmarole before I possibly have an interview for the CM position.

Maria, I hear what you are saying, but I have to think He can't possibly want the decision to be this tough. As important as it is that I be happy and follow my heart, I have to meet obligations and not lose my house and pay my bills and give my mom her freedom. And, God-forbid, I end up needing another emergency surgery, or one of the boys needs something, I have to be in a place where I can take care of it again.

What do I really want to do? I want to do the fun thing - wear jeans and t-shirts and play 12 hours+ a day, 6 days a week, for a sad amount of money. The Michigan film workforce is grossly de-valued (and if you quibble, they hire the next one on the list). I want to work in films! I do, but it's impractacle, and I have been doing this for enough time to see that given the new gov's state of mind, I will not be able to make a living following this dream.

What I want and what I want to do are completely different things....COMPLETELY! Sad to say, at this time, I really think I should go for what I need and forget what I want. If I am offered a chance to interview for 'corporate world,' then I will do that. And if I am offered a corporate job, then I have to take it. Living in poverty is not an option any more. I have to be the grown-up and follow my head and forget about what my heart wants.

Sad but true. It's become futile to dream and wait and hope. The decision is going to have to be made when the time comes.

But, when my first screenplay sells, I am celebrating in style, baby! ;)