Smiling

There are so few things to smile about any more, yet I have so many things to be happy and thankful for - I find myself at odds in my own head.

I am feeling hopeless and defeated, left behind and worthless.

Unable to procure full time corporate employment on a permanent basis (oh, who am I kidding - it's not really available, except temporarily....and for young people), and with finding work in the film industry drying up like puddles in the Arizona sun, I am becoming more bereft of joy and lacking desire to step outside my front door. Every day makes less sense and leaves me feeling more like a failure.

Sadly, I have more time than I know what to do with, and still I can't make myself really do much of anything.

This is Anxiety 101, and I am the poster child.

[P.S. I know this is boo-hooing. Back off and leave me alone, I need to stop grinning like a jackal for a bit and process how I really feel. Go read a different entry if you want a chuckle. This is how I feel today. Grrrrrrr.]