Abundance

How do you interpret abundance?

The dictionary says: "plentifully supplied."

Do you recognise abundance in your own life? In yourself?

Can you find it in yourself?

Do you stop every once in a while to give thanks for it, or do you simply suppose you are entitled to what you have and blithely ignore the very real possibility that it could be lost to you - through any means - in the wink of an eye?

Do you just have it figured that since you worked hard to create and build your piles of [whatever] that they are yours, and unless you give them (it) away, nothing or no one can touch it??

I know I gave thanks for the job I had; for the upward growth and opportunities; for the unimagined income that came from working hard and changing directions and taking on new challenges. I know I never took it for granted.

There were many moments when I would look over my shoulder and wait for the other shoe to drop. It felt too good (not the fearful waiting but the great job and unexpected pay), not like I had earned it. That was a wonderful mystery, although I did recognize I had been graced with bosses who saw my worth in the beginning.

Just being in the right place at the right time was all it took, but I knew it could be gone in a heartbeat. I just didn't know that instead of 'dropping,' that other shoe would be flung at my head!

When that life ended, I do know that I was thankful to have been able to put away money to have as a "rainy day fund." I had been fortunate. I was grateful to have had the cushion in my paychecks to be comfortable and pay bills, and live life without squandering or having to scrape by like so many others.

I was delighted to have money to bank and count on in case of some emergency.

Who knew the 'emergency' would last half a decade?

Throughout all this time (the job drought) I have taken chances on idled dreams and what-ifs (by the way, "what-ifs" are better undertaken when you are younger so that there is not so much water under the bridge and so many wrinkles on your face). I have tried new things, walked new avenues and started at square one several times over - and have had a blast (and tears) in the attempts and the successes - short-lived though the successes may have been.

Currently, I am starting another path, and not one I am keen about, but one that should at least garner me a steadier job, possibly with benefits, and an ongoing paycheck for more than the run of a film project.

My abundance here? The working mind and body which God has graced me with, and the creative energy and talents imbued in me. My ability to learn and adapt is also a gift I treasure and put to good use. My beautiful mother who has made the ultimate sacrifice and kept the wolf from my door and the food on our table. My friends and extended family, few and powerful, who stand in my corner and cheer me on and believe in me - even when I have doubts in myself and fears which overwhelm me. My children who love me unconditionally and give me encouragement from time to time.

I am rich in my adversity.

Yes, I recognise my abundance, and I give thanks to God for His love and grace. May He be as good to you.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger

Or....makes us more broke.

Is that alright? Gramatically, I mean?

That reminds me

Between Karl's allergies and my weepiness, we need more kleenex.

Feeling.....'feh'

I don't know how else to describe how I have been feeling these past few days (but it may be more like weeks). Just a walking ball of poi.

Not 100% any one thing, but bits and pieces of a bunch of different feelings. Lots of conflicting feelings, too.

Bored, overwhelmed, eager, unmotivated, deflated, uncertain. *Could-give-a-rat's-patoot about anything from sun up 'til sundown any more (*could NOT think of the proper word for this particular sensation - but I know it's out there).

I am weepy and sullen, bitter and off the rails, and if it weren't for the classes, I would never leave the house (if I could get away with it). What is the matter with me that a job and a sense of purpose wouldn't cure? Where's my conviction, my self worth, my sense of accomplishment?

Don't know if I really ever had any "get up and go," but if I did, it surely got up and 'went.'

And now that the dryer is once again on the fritz, I am feeling even more defeated and heartbroken. I had a working life and a direction once, what is the point of all of this now?

Blah and feh.

Nothing to say

So I will say nothing.

"Nothing."

Now, somebody say something to me -- for a change.

Spit it out

I suppose all I am really trying to say is, I am having a hard time finding my place in the world.

How can I get others to see and value my worth when I can't recognize it in myself any more?

I can do so many things well, and I love the activities which I am good at, but getting doors to open and making those all-important connections with people who could propel me back into working status is not as easy at fifty as it would have been at 25....or even 35.

There is a/that discrimination, and I have been reminded of it all too frequently - and the longer I am out of work (as a bonafide, every day, nine-to-five employee), the harder it is to get someone to look past the work gaff....EVEN THOUGH I HAVE HAD JOBS THROUGHOUT THE DRY PERIOD!! As a filmy (someone employed on film projects) those corporate clowns don't know that to get those jobs takes skill and accumen and drive - and damn good skills - or you just don't keep finding more work. No credit is given for having been working in film.

That's more discrimination.

So, here I am, reinventing myself and acquiring new/more skills and knowledge, hoping to find a light at the end of the tunnel - a light held by a willing employer.

I just want a job that I am capable of, that I can enjoy (to some extent), that pays me a decent wage for the skills I possess, and where I won't be expected to sit still and allow them to squeeze more out of me than they are willing to pay for!

There, I spat it out....now hang on while I go get a tissue or something to wipe it up.

Yeah, I'm stubborn

Stubborn as the day is longer. Stubborn-er, even - so I guess the day is not long enough.

Having sold a good number of books online [through that online site mentioned in the past] I have come to the realization that most people in general are so much more in to what they can get versus what they can give.

"Hey man, where's my quid pro quo?" they grumble and mutter and think and expect.

Hello, Me-me-me Society.

There is so very little reciprocity practiced today that it's no wonder about all of the strife and irrational, hateful behavior everywhere I look. EVERYwhere.

On the road, in supermarkets, Christmas shopping (for crying out loud), parking lots, library materials, found property, at concerts (indoors or outdoors), your feet on my coat on my chair at a basketball game....and on and on.

No consideration. No civic pride. No help thy neighbor. No waiting your turn in line.

But I digress.

Where was I? Oh, yes, the sold books.

If you ever purchase items online, you will note that some of those outlets allow for rating the seller on such issues as: the item's condition; the veracity of the seller's claims; the packing and shipping; the speed of delivery; etc. There is also (with some outlets) a chance to rate the buyer as well.

Personally, since the site I use is not eBay, I see no need to rate the buyer, since they must actually select and pay for the books before I ship anything, that it is sort of a non-issue whether the buyer was 'prompt in paying' because they had to purchase/pay for the item before I send it.

They buy the item, I pack and ship the item and everything is swell. They can't reneg before getting the item, but they can change their mind and arrangements can be made after the fact to return and refund, etc, blah, blah, blah. That's a whole other matter.

What I am trying to get at is this - I do an excellent job in keeping on top of the sales when they happen, and in getting the books (and other items) packaged in the best way possible/affordable to allow for no damage during shipping. I get those items labeled and to the PO in a minimum amount of time, and generally have the books et.al. to the recipients in less time than the site's stipulated date range. AND more often than not, there are usually bonus books included in the transactions that add weight to the pkg (and cost to the shipping), but that I do not receive reimbursement for.

Why, then, for all of the sales I have made, are there so many fewer rating numbers associated with my ID?

Because people do not reciprocate, that's why.

Unless there is something bad to say, a criticism, a problem, or a complaint about the condition of the item, people just aren't willing to part with a kind word or a moment of their time to share a tiny speck of praise or thanks.

How do I know? Because my rating is top notch - with no complaints; because I care about how something someone bought from me arrives. I take care and I am diligent, and there have been no issues.

What is it our grandparents used to say? "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything."

Well, some of you people are lacking a lot of social graces. Come to that, too many folks have absolutely no social graces, and you need to work on it, buddy!

Of all of the ratings I have given, and of all of the ratings I have received, which do you think totals more?

That's right, Mr., Ms., Miss, and Mrs. Non-Reciprocity, you guessed it. I have given more in the way of ratings than I have received, and none of those received included a thanks for the care in packaging OR the extra items!

So here's what I propose for those of you who are thinking of buying online. No, wait! I DARE you to do this, should you ever buy something online. Use the system provided by the online site to rate the seller and say something pertinent to the sale and/or the merchandise.

I'm not leaving another compliment or word of thanks for any more transactions unless you people begin to act like you live on a planet with other people around you.

And another thing, try acting human on the roadways, too. How about letting someone slide into your lane - especially if they took the time to use their turn signal and 'ask' if they can move on over. Or, simply hold the door for the person behind you....or park in ONE space at the plaza and not use two. I dare you!

I double dog dare you.

Yes, I stand by my "Florida-shmorida" pronouncement

Even though areas of Michigan suffered through some of the worst weather it's experienced in over 12 years (in some cases), we made it through last night. Yes, it's sad that some folks lost a number of photographs and other precious personal items that may be difficult to recover or replace, but by and large injury and loss of life was at an absolute minimum - and that's the important thing.

We don't have seasonal (two 'seasons' in a year) hurricanes - or typhoons, for that matter.

We don't expect or experience earthquakes on the level of the western half of the US (or around the globe). By the way, how do you expect the unexpected? I guess it's more preparation than anything. Those earthquake-prone areas just shrug their shoulders and count it as a way of life.

Tsunamis are not an issue for us. We will never lose our homes, lives, or have to agonize over whether we have the ability to recover from that sort of disaster.

These are all things to be grateful for.

Our maladies are all manmade here in the mitten state. Pervasive orange barrel season. Four years of Snyder (ick...I threw up a little in my mouth there). Rampant, unending unemployment. Oh, there's too much to mention (nor do I feel like making myself that depressed at the moment).

Let's just leave at all things considered - within the natural occuring realm - I will stay with my mid-west penninsula and it's four certain monotonous seasons....it's crocodile- (and hurricane-) free!

This 'n that

It's been a fairly busy week, and I still have studying to get back to, so it's not over - yet!Activities at the bank with financial planners, and with insurance agents (not at the bank); meetings with CLS for Karl and then finding out there is ANOTHER new MRS rep assigned to Karl...jeez.

[grumble and curses]

Despite a day of rain here and there, the next week and one-half will be spring bliss weather-wise, so....Florida-shmorida!

My passport expires this year, and I have been seriously considering renewing it. Well, why not? When I initially obtained it, it was for a semi-last-minute trip to Greece, and I was so very happy to have gotten it. Mentally and emotionally I began to plan a glorios excursion once a year from that time forward - with and without the boys. And, of course, I would loved to have used it on more than two travel occasions, but it wasn't meant to be.

However, I firmly believe everyone should have a valid passport. Everyone (except terrorists).

Speaking (sort of) about wandering, Cleo is having trouble staying down for her usual morning/afternoon siesta, and so I may as well pre-shrink some material and maybe cut out a few central squares for some reason or other in between stints of cat love. Whomever uttered the words about cats being totally independent was remarkably ignorant.

More later - have an enjoyable day!

I can't get Karl to leave the house!

I am beside myself with worry that my 'mushroom' will develop even greater problems than he already possesses if he continues to resist leaving his room and dealing with life - and everything that that entails.

Everything!

"C'mon, Karl. Come out here....I've got chocolate cake and orange soda."

"No! I can eat it in here as well as out there. Just leave it by the door and I'll get it in a minute."

Hmmm. I wonder if he has a more valid point (and better reasoning skills) than I do. Maybe there is no really good reason to ever leave the house.

Groceries can be delivered.

If I am not around people I can't get sick.

Stupid people in their cars can't damage John Wayne, or cause me harm or loss (especially if I am not subjected to them).

Oh my gosh, and this is just the tip of the iceberg!

:^/

It's just another day

So, I had it figured this way: Why set an alarm to get up when I know it will be (technically) earlier than usual, and cheat myself out of that extra hour, plus the daylight savings hour?

**sshhhh. the math works in my head....shoo!**

There's nothing pressing or alarming to rise and shine for...so sleep. As an oldie-but-a-goodie you owe it to yourself (and your heart) to get that sleep!

Dadgummit if Flop doesn't know how to read a clock! She sat at the foot of the bed. mewing her sweet little persistent meow, making certain I would not sleep in past fooding time - whether it was artificially (and governmental-ly) manufactured and mandated or not!Rats. [grumble]

The weather weenies have predicted and promised us temps in the sixties or better for the entire week ahead, making it necessary to greedily divide my time between being outdoors - to get a few pre-growing season tasks accomplished - and indoors studying for the return to class next week! Ah, yes.

One book sale over the last five-six weeks - very dismal.

On the bright side...I had a book sale! ;)

There's a blue jay excitedly flitting and flying through the branches of the old maple out front. His mechanical two-note shout is distinctive and welcome, and I am looking forward to the more 'melodic' robotic song to come. There are three jay siblings we have known for the past four years, and their antics in our yard and trees is always entertaining.

I can also see the newest member of our neighborhood in the tree - the nutsy, manic, frantic red squirrel who has been lately dashing and charging around the yard. Presently, he is shaking his tail at my blue jay, and I think trying to intimidate by feathered blue friend. The diminutive critter arrived last year and made his presence known among our usual grey squirrels and chipmunk community, but he has become quite troublesome and aggressive. While he is fun to watch, he is also a nuisance and a bit of a bully.

Hmmm...wonder if I should prepare a departure box big enough for the resident chipmunk and the little red squirrel?

Jimmy cracked corn...

...and I don't care.

Doo-dah, doo-dah. O-o-o-o-h-h, dee-doo-dah day.

[expletives]

[fist clenching] Horrific chipmunks!

They have (he has) got to go.

For the past week we have smelled faint poo smells, but only in one particular area of the house.

As our eldest cat has a rear end leakage issue, we assumed she must have made a deposit somewhere in the vicinity that we simply needed to clean up. Soooo, we spent some time searching for a bisquit. A butt bomb. A Hobbes dingle-berry. Anything to account for the smell so that we could eliminate it, clean up, and move on - stink-free.

We found no such item. Sorry we suspected you, Hobbes.

Sadly, as the weather warms, we are smelling the smell a little more strongly.

No, the cat box does not need a cleaning!

This smell belongs to our resident chipmunk. Or, more correctly, the smell belongs to us, given to us from our resident chipmunk. The little fink!

For many of the past ten years we have been entertained by the antics each spring-through-summer of the adorable little lawn monkeys, darting in and out of what we thought to be a rather small hole (and cavity) under the cement slabs of our front stoop. It was cute, but now that there are some serious repercussions happening here, it is time to evict!

In the last two years, the little bugger has managed to grow quite a mound of excavated dirt and debris just under the hole, and last fall also managed to carve a 7"x4" hole in one of my car engine filters! Apparently the material is fabulous insulation in a chipmunk home!

Great, glad I could be of assistance.

Just two days ago I noticed the first sign of spring. Yes, the chipmunk had left the hole, and had managed to excavate MORE dirt on his way out, meaning he was digging in!

Over the winter months I had heard a lot of noise in the walls on the lower level (scratching, scurrying and chewing/gnawing), and in what would be the floorboards upstairs, so, somehow, it has found a way into the house through some hole under the front door (under the extremely large concrete slabs laid over the threshold serving as a stoop). NOT a good thing!

It was all I could do to not take a hammer and crow bar to the walls to do a little 'excavation' of my own!

And since seeing the little critter outside the hole a couple of days ago, I googled chipmunks. I have learned more than I care to - knowing there is one now doing so much damage to my home.

[shriek]

Yes, horrific-ly cute chipmunk....your days in my home are at an end! [insert evil laughter here]

Seriously, Reuters? That's the best you've got?

Seriously??

A fire broke out in an underground car park in the Place Vendome in Paris today. But, apparently, it wasn't newsworthy enough for a reporting photographer to walk a few blocks in an attempt to obtain more info....or at the very least, a better picture of the happenings.

Tisk, tisk.

I don't know which is more incredulous - Reuters for publishing seven (and only seven << that was sarcasm) of the SAME photo, or Yahoo for sharing such a grossly underwhelming fluff bomb.

Is the fire out? What sort of damages? Any injuries? Any lasting ill-effects to any of the lovely old buildings, etc?

My older brother absolutely loves Paris, and the e-headline had me curious about any damage to the historic section of the famed "City in Pink," so I clicked on the link thinking to read and view the information, then send it on to Aaron in case he hadn't yet caught wind of the event.

What a disappointment the photos were by Charles Platiau of the Reuters news service. Every. Single. Shot. consisted of a lazy photog's vantage point of the Column Vendome obscured in part - or in whole - by black smoke.

Hello? And I can't get work?? I would have at least burned some leather hot-footing as many blocks as it would have taken around in the opposite direction to get a different view of the heroic firefighters, or a glimpse of the scene un-obstructed by the prevailing wind.

"Massive fire breaks out in Paris" the headline screams, except there was absolutely no news attached to the Reuters story!

Un-freaking-believeable!

Poorly worded text accompanied the repetitive - and less than ordinary shots - of black smoke...and people taking photos of the black smoke.

I am non-plussed by you, Reuters. You suck smoke - thick, billowy smoke.

Pardon me while I head to MSN for a real news report of the Paris fire. I might learn something.

Cosmic corrections are not always just

And for that matter, they're not always accurately placed, either.

Somewhere, somehow, I must have kicked a cosmic leprechaun. This is the only answer for all of the extra garbage happening lately.

I've broken no mirrors (that I'm aware of).

I've insulted no girlscouts nor spilled any salt,

walked under any ladders,

opened an umbrella indoors or crossed the path of any black cats (again, none of which I am aware of).

So why the universal retribution? What's with the crummy luck? Whose poop list am I on and how can I reverse the tide?

Rush Limbaugh has it coming to him....I am the good guy!

[whimper]

Erstwhile pursuits

Last summer I chronicled my adventures helping out dear friends clear a section of their yard of a multitude of weeds, and then prep for, and install, a new lawn. In addition, I created a small berry bed at the top of their driveway (per their request) and transplanted a good number of the existing strawberries which had overgrown the original planting area, and all of the new runners that had sprouted in the weedy area.

It was incredibly satisfying, to say the least, to get back there several weeks later and see a beautiful nubile lawn growing from all of that seed and hard work!

[happy sigh]

This morning I found a comment posted to my blog entry about that event, advertising/boasting for some git from (of all places) Queensland, Australia, having done the work! Are you kidding me?

Buddy, you gotta pay me to advertise for you! Not to mention, you can't take credit for something you didn't do.

As the great Bugs Bunny would have said - "What a maroon!"

Somehow, this rube made me chuckle AND slap my forehead in exasperation.

Ha!

Just made a decent, round, eight inch brownie in a frying pan, on top of the stove - thank you, very much!

I still hate that dieing electric range top, but we have figured out a truce (that crummy, broken down heating surface and I) in order to make an edible chocolate treat to get me through these study periods.

A-a-a-a-h-h, chocolate. Er, I mean 'comfort foods.'

Slow but eventual

The preliminary list for accepted artist works finally posted this morning. My name was not on it.

However, they did also leave a note with the list saying that any further additions to the list will be made and available for viewing by five this afternoon. Since there are a good deal of folks who submitted more than one entry - and have both entries listed (by the way) - restrictions of space can't be the issue.

The attempt now will be to get through the rest of the day and try to keep my mind off of it; trying instead to concentrate on studying.

R-i-i-i-i-i-ght.

I know it doesn't read like it, but I am still trying to remain on the positive side, and eventually my name will be there.

Lazy Sundays

Outside it is ucky. That's right, I said it - "ucky."

Inside, it is perfect. Cats are sleeping. I was studying (up until about 25 minutes ago). Karl is blissfully seated at his PC monitor, everything FINALLY working as expected - smoothly....noiselessly....perfectly. Almost.

It took one final (literal) last-minute run to Micro Center last night to obtain a large enough power source to run his new graphics card, but things began to look promising - until they didn't any more.

As soon as we arrived home, Karl calmly (as calm as he could) set about disassembling his PC's interior workings to install the new power unit. That was a feat in itself.

Eagerly, he fired it up, only to come interface-to-ear with an annoying, unidentifiable, frequently-intermittant noise. My suggestion was to shut down the PC and tackle the trouble in the morning. Fresh eyes and ears, new start, sleep-refreshed and not so aggrevated from the get-go. He reluctantly agreed, and that was the day.

Of course, the noise was non-existant in the morning, but after less than 10 minutes of use, it materialized once more.

The frustration level peaked his meter and he dug his heals in.

No way was he going back to MC, and no way was he in the mood to talk to anyone there over the phone to try and troubleshoot!

We talked and assessed the issue, sussed out the noise location and visually spotted the trouble. He opened the box one last time and tied an errant cord back, away from one of the fans.

Voila!

All is right in the kingdom once more, and I can get back to studying.

Uck!

Nothing, really

Had a good breakfast with the boys before Bud headed off to work. We made smoothies with multiple fruits and yogurt, (and had) hard boiled eggs, and mini bagels with hummus! I like knowing the boy has something in his stomach before going to work. :)

And no, the smoothies didn't include the eggs or bagels and hummus. :P Schmarty-mc-farty.

No news on his latest stone.

No news, either, on the art competition. I am beginning to think they snobbishly do not admit 'quilts', but instead of warning fiber artists of this discrimination, they allow you to fill out their paperwork and 'donate' your entry fee, then snub your artwork out of hand.

Suppose that means the wall piece will stay under wraps until late this fall.

Karl bought himself a new graphics card for his PC, but was not told that the card may not be compatible with his monitor! He needs some sort of converter to go from the new card to the monitor's connection port - a completely different configuration! Geez! It can never just be an easy thing, can it? You go to the expense of buying something new (sticker shock) only to find that once it's installed it isn't power compatible with your perfectly good monitor.

Guess we are making another trip to the bigger city to get a necessary component.

For a lot of nothing, it sure seems like something!

Weather what?

According to the national weather service, our 48*F temps are to be accompanied by thunderstorms. G'bye, winter.

We haven't made it to 48*, yet today, but the windows are showing signs of slight spatter hitting the house, and the street is looking moist.

Later today, or tonight, the temps will crash into the mid-twenties and bring us snow! The nightfall will also bring us 50 MPH windgusts! Not so crazy about that at all.

Hang on, Toto!!!

We'll remain in the twenty-degree range all weekend, then get back to the near fifties with the beginning of the new work week. Huh.

March is definitely coming in like a lion, but it's a heck of a time for winter to finally show up.

P.S. No news on the art show, either.

A watched pot never boils

Blah, blah, blah.

Maybe I should have said "...and all of that rot." Same dif.

I keep heading to an email inbox, checking to see if my humble 'pie' made it into a fine arts competition - today is the day they will begin announcing the juried pieces.

Am I a little overeager?

O-o-o-o-h-h yeah, baby. To say the least.

But, I guess a watched (-for) email never arrives

In the meanwhile, I am basking in the glow of 1) having passed another of those impossible medical class tests with a flying 103%, and; 2) one class to go before a two week break (the instructor is going on a sea cruise). That means there are two weeks to cram for the next set of tests AND get everything (covered thus far in both classes) so entrenched in my brain that I can sail through the mid-term exam without breaking too big a sweat.

Read and review, read and review...read, read, read - and so on. I don't want to hesitate too much on any of the questions, whether she gives us a definition or an odd clue and we have to come up with the correct abbreviation or term, or whatever. When I hesitate, I question myself. When I question myself, I tend to talk myself out of the correct answer. Drilling and daily reviews are necessary for me to be assured the information is in my head and accessible. Quite frankly, some of the abbreviations confound the crap outta me, too. Like "PSA."

I am used to "PSA" meaning "public service announcement." But medically, it means "patient something-or-other associate."

Yeah, my brain is mushy at the moment. And then there are the medical terms for the anatomy, learning the anatomy, diseases, suffixes, prefixes....knowing all of that more doctor-oriented stuff. Argh!

Support!! Patient support associate!

I knew it would fall outta there [tapping on head] eventually.

Ah, anyway - it's time to trim the cats' nails and review body cavities and nervous system gunk, plus start the memorization process for forms used in patient files and what each is for. I'll have to let you know if and when the wall hanging makes it into the show.