Well, June, ol' buddy, ol' pal...one more for the road

This is my swan song for you, June, one last post to "play us out."

Can you believe this marks the first half of the year gone?

Blammo! Oh, and less than 6 months to Christmas already, can you handle that thought? All I can think about is how I have let the kids down for their birthdays and Christmas over the last two years. And, as I look ahead, I am nowhere definitively closer to making things any better. To compound and complicate things, my mom is now helping me out with the hospital bill (on top of the monthly assistance she has been graciously providing over the last year).

Yes, I know I have this temporary production beginning, but six weeks is not going to keep my head above water. It may allow me to tread water a little longer, perhaps doggy paddle a few more yards, but I need to have someplace to go on a regular basis...day in and day out. A grown-up place with medical benefits and paid sick days. Of course, those glorious paid vacation days wouldn't hurt - but I am not going to be greedy (although I did have it pretty doggone good for a while, there, and I know it).

Thank you, Lord.

Anyhow, I didn't stop by to lament over spilt milk, I simply wanted to bid a fond farewell to lovely, lilting, rain-soaked June. I didn't want it to squish out the door unnoticed and under-appreciated.

We'll see you next year, June-iffer...it's only a brief 12 months away!

Time is getting tight

I still have so much to do to get ready for my departure, and I am working from a bunch of lists now, just so I don't forget anything anywhere.

So many balls in the air, and I don't juggle!

Brian is off buying a car (against his will and better judgement), and I wish he didn't have to take this particular vehicle, either, but for the time being, it is the only option available. He has dragged his feet and simply avoided doing the necessary things to be ready for my absence, and if I didn't make him jump on this deal, he would still think he was driving me to Grayling and leaving me there car-less for the 6 weeks. He and I need separate transportation, and he has become very used to having my wheels to use whenever.

He has has a string of bad luck with his first two vehicles after the VW leases ended, and it is a long story I would like to fill you all in on, but I have no time (and truth be told, no desire) at present.

Some have asked, "Why, with so many days before you have to leave, are you so anxious?"

Well, aside from the obvious (leaving the boys to their own devices for a solid 6 weeks) I really do not have that much time before the curtain falls. I will be spending the first through the 5th with Gram, then coming home with enough time at the end of the fifth to wash, finish packing and load the car in order to get on the road the next morning! My time for accomplishing anything here at home is now severely limited, and I have a lot to get done.

Trust me, I am trying not to freak out, but it is tough. Now, couple that with Karl being in class, only half way through, and leaving him to somebody else to get through it with projects done and turned in on time, tests studied for, etc. OCC's track record for assigning someone competent and diligent has not been stellar, to say the least. And, I fear Brian would not be much better in helping Karl stay on task in class - or in taking useful notes - as he is completely unfamiliar with the course subject. Oh, and they fight...over nothing...cuz they are siblings...and Karl has a hair trigger...and Brian likes to pull it, sometimes.

Maybe I should just stay home.

Postscript for the day

Simply...

Rest in peace -

Ed McMahon

Farah Fawcett

Michael Jackson

Power restored

Holy smokes! When it rains, it pours, eh?

After coming home from Crittenton there was a power outtage which lasted 3 days! And why? We don't know. I honestly cannot remember what precipitated it, but I do remember the rainy days that followed once the power was finally restored. In fact, it rained the entire day I had my staples removed, too.

Yesterday, on the warmest, muggiest day yet, we had another lack of electricity (cuz ya can't go too long without a good outtage). Thankfully, this one didn't last as long, and we probably weren't as affected as most - given we don't have air conditioning - so we didn't notice the discomfort level rise (as much as the poofs all around us).

Poor melting schmoos. Although, I must admit to hating doing without the fans.

The real inconvenience was in not being able to work - I still have so much to do before heading north, and no electricity certainly throws a monkey wrench into one's activities.

Once the power came back on I got busy with another LONG call to an HP support person. Yes, the notebook required another round of coaxing, fixing and troubleshooting. This just two-point-5-days after a difficult 2hr:20minute call with an HP dude who managed to install, open and shake the contents of Pandora's Box all over the inside of my lil laptop! ever since my episode with him, the troubles increased in frequency and type, so much so that I was having difficulty connecting to or even staying online, I would get blue screen errors and crashes, and a lot of my little conveniences no longer existed.

Suffice it to say I am happily online for the time being, and needing to make up some lost time before heading to Gram's this afternoon. When I return tomorrow (some time), I will hit the ground running, and still will have to abide by a tight, tight schedule to get everything done. My main concerns are paperwork for both Karl and myself, and simply trying to coordinate as much of the household stuff for my absence.

Nothing is ever simple, is it?

So, I need to run for now and get things accomplished, because even though the power is restored, so is the level of insanity!

A bit o' good news

As you know, I have been totally out of commission for the last two months, missing out on two worthwhile projects because of Harvey (and the surgery to bid Harvey adieu).

Just after coming home from the hospital, I received a call from the art department folks of "Stone", and I was in! Waaahhhhh!!!!

I could barely sit up straight, let alone move anything...so I had to turn it down!

Aaaagh!! $*@#$!%&!!!

I could have worked on another major film - and this time with Edward Norton and Robert Deniro! Thank you, Connie, for throwing my name in their path. And, of course, the camera gig with the travelogue series began without me, but now they are in a stall mode for the time being. Yes, I know they said they still want me on board - and I am very pleased - but I still need to work until/before that takes off. So...

I am right back to square one, and there are a lot of square ones out here, believe me.

Which brings me to the good news.

I know, right!?

In an earlier June entry I mentioned that I sent out a pretty good bunch of covers and resumes one morning, and elicited a pretty quick response in one case. Well, that turned into the casting 3 day assignment; then came the offer to (the query about) remain(-ing) with the production beyond pre-prod as a PA. Yea! That bright spot would be accompanied a pay bump, so even yea-er!!

Since my last entry about this new job, I have been contacted by the producer and the project director to ask if I would like to move into an office position for the run of the production (this because of the meager amount of corporate info I provided on my production resume). Since I seemed a great fit for a newly available position, I was offered this spot.

Even yea-er still! This newest gem provided a better pay rate, with the remaining caveate of finding a place to bunk.

Of course with this tightly budgeted production, the low point of finding and paying for my own place to stay was the drawback (but there are always pluses and minuses with this sort of work).

Every production varies widely (and wildly) in how they work as far as hiring, pay (or not) and amenities provided, etc, etc. But, I am resourceful and have scrounged a place to stay for the first (nearly) two weeks. If anyone has a friend or relative in the immediate Camp Grayling military post area, and would allow me to sleep, bath and roost for the time frame from July 17th through the 11th of August, I could manage to pay a small stipend for the trouble and insanity. Please have them respond to me here with a comment, or contact me through FaceBook (bethisnutz). THANKS!

OK, so now you know the good news (at least, the latest news). The time frame for getting ready to hit the road is tighter than a pair of jeans fresh outta the wash. Couple that with 'Grandma duty' just prior to departure, and ho boy!

Keep your fingers crossed and those good thoughts heading skyward, I can use the good vibes.

Love to all, and happy trails!

Stupid on-line 'gathering' sites

I hate to even name them, but you know what I mean (Facebook, MySpace...). What an infinite waste of time, and so many people seem to spend endless hours out there - and a lot of what it is they enter is obscene or poorly written...or, even meaningless.

It's got to be a generational thing - boy does that statement make me feel older than I am.

This must be why I don't garner a whole lot of responses. [smirk]

S'ok, though, I am not that (type of) needy. Thank you, God. ;^)

I like the content of what it is I contribute to be uplifting (or not), intelligent, gramatically correct, inclusive of punctuation and lacking typo's, and it just seems as though the plethora of younger folks typing out there just want to pound on the keyboard and enter some garbage, simply to raise some eyebrows or get some sort of knee-jerk reaction. For some more 'seasoned' people with something to say, something on their minds or something meaningful to share with family and friends, the use of these sorts of forums has changed a little.

I would like to say they have evolved, but that wouldn't really be the case.

The main crux of them all (the sites, that is) seems to be to collect as many "friends" on your list as possible (oh, and to give out your information and contact info or that of your friends and family, via 'tests' and challenges). You don't even have to know people to add them - or to have them add your name to their list!

A small number of folks have somewhat useful/informational profiles and communications on their pages (BRAVA!), but SO MANY more (I would say roughly 92%) are just tripe and pandering.

So, look at me, everybody! Woohoo! Watch me! But not because I am on Facepageblogoshererificworld with 647 followers. Read this because you know me and have an interest in my life, and in my sons, my extended family, and because you want to know how I am impacting the world - and how it is impacting me. Or, simply because you just want to say "hi".

Peace out, Holmes (or is it "home"?).

Word.

Greek Rocket War Video (not any more)

{Greek Rocket War} I had a video added, and it was great fun to watch, but....
...just as there are spam artists, con artists, and people who think it's ok to hijack and subvert the intellectual property and/or internet sites of others, I found someone had reversed their link to the video and were using my blog link as a way to drive traffic to something other than that video.

Why does everything have to be about money or crime, or popularity or one upmanship?

I hope you can Google the Greek rocket war on your own, and see what crazy fun the Greeks can get up to.  I won't be adding any further links unless I can control the verification myself.  Below is the original text from the June 2009 post.  Sorry for any confusion.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Just putting this out there because...
My heart is ever in Greece, and now you see why - maybe. They know how to live, to have fun, to have a history, to share, to dance, to celebrate...
Kali mera.

A near perfect day

Weather-wise, it is stunning out there. After yesterday's 18 hour rainfest, today is delightful; but it really isn't fair to judge yesterday against today (or vice-a-versa). That would be akin to comparing apples to oranges. Each, superb fruit in their own ways, but hardly similar enough to make comparisons.

When I awoke this morning there was a definite lack of humidity in the air, and the 60* overnight temps left a slight chill on my skin once I slipped from under the blankets - but it was great sleeping weather. The windows upstairs were all open, and the fresh air was heavenly. Even more so without the threat of rain entering with each gust of a rainy breeze.

Yesterday was pretty feisty that way.

Here we are, a whole day later and the gray skies of this morning have given way to puffy intermittant clouds and sun. The breezes are mellow-to-nonexistant, and the blue jays are raucously playful in the backyard, divebombing from one tree to another, to the pergola, to the ground and back again!

As I have been ever more energetic and capable of doing lighter chores (and more strenuous ones - shhh....) I have begun cleaning and tidying and taking inventory, and diligently making an earnest effort to finish the spring cleaning I had begun months ago (before Harvey beat his hasty farewell). It's been two months since the surgery, and I am much improved and SO ready to do anything/everything!

As I am still unemployed, I continue to search for work, and look for training opportunities that will count towards my improvement and building my knowledgebase. I am at my wit's end once I finish beating the putrid 'job bushes' each morning - the pickings are slim - so I have taken to doing lots of little things to keep occupied. Maybe this is why I feel like attacking the cleaning and sorting things just now - lots of immediate improvements and changes that are obvious at the moment.

There are a myriad number of tasks which need my attention, and every time I settle in to work on one, I then feel guilty about not working on another - thus never really finishing anything, because I am always flitting about doing a bit here, then a bit there, always feeling guilty about what it is I am not touching at the moment.

I think I have found a solution to my problem, however. Here's what I propose: Tonight, I will compile a list with one or two tasks assigned to each day (besides the smaller everyday stuff), and will give myself permission to work freely on those one or two items (which require results) for the entire day - at least devoting no less than two hours and no more than 6 hours at a time to each task for that one day. Like sewing, or writing, or editing, or learning another technique on one of the creative suites, and cleaning the garage, weeding one of the flowerbeds, etc. Knowing that there is time set aside on another day for one of the other chores (maybe a couple of times per week) will give me the mental freedom from anguishing over what it is I am not doing right then to really hunker down and apply myself to other things.

Hmmmm....seems like a good plan. A near perfect plan to structure perfect days.

Dis-ing

There's "enchanted," and "disenchanted."

I understand "agreeable" and "disagreeable."

I know what it means to be "disengaged" after having an engaging experience.

"Associated" - "disassociated."

I even acknowledge "proportionate" and "disproportionate," because they make sense.

But can anyone tell me...what is it to be "gruntled" in order to become "disgruntled"? How do you achieve a state of gruntleness from which to become disgruntled?

Anyone?

Ho-hum

Spent the last couple of days cleaning various closets and nooks, rearranging a kitchen "pantry" closet (tiny little thing) and one cupboard, while putting away the booty from our recent grocery shopping mission. And it never seems to stop, does it?

Karl has had to be pushed and pulled into finishing the project for class, which is due at 6pm sharp. Because his understanding and current skillset in Photoshop exceeds where the instructor is currently taking the class, he is bored out of his mind, so getting him to complete (OK, let's be real...getting him to sit and START the assignment) was a freakin' chore.

Compound the whole mess with the CS4 we have at home v. the CS3 at school, and you have something akin to a Stephen King novel nightmare. There are enough little differences between them to make it a bit of a pain, and despite our incredibly mammoth editing suite, the CS4 has glitches that make using the tool a hassle. Something is gorped with the functionality/response time (which just frustrated and distracted Karl to no end), so I can imagine a long phone call with a help desk rep in my future.

I have the same jerky issues while using Premiere Pro, so it may be something with the monster, too. It may solely be the monster and not the software, or it could be a combo...either way, I do not relish the idea of having to take the damn thing to Troy for a look-see.

Still working on gathering the paperwork to satisfy the MI Works/No Worker Left Behind program requirements. What a crock! My meeting date has moved from the end of September to the end of July, which I am taking as a good sign. I figure if I get it together quickly, I may be ready when they call one day soon to tell me it's been moved again to the end of June. Wouldn't that be groovy?!

C'mon, cosmic stars...align!

Until then, though, I will cut out dresses and tops to make and wear for the summer of fat, work on my gift for Gram's 98th birthday, continue to send out resumes and please-hire-me-cover letters, shepherd Karl to and from class, edit together new demos and pray for a call from a hiring manager.

All I really want to do right now is weed the garden.

A little something for Maria and Gram

Maria shared her beautiful tulips with me via her blog, and I saw my own from afar after the surgery. Here, I am simply returning the favor. I hope you like these pictures.

The rain has knocked the life out of some of my lovely poppies - as it always does the minute they bloom - but I thought you might like to see the minor successes in my sad, untended garden. These photos are from the front flowerbed, I managed to sneak out there for a few moments on one sunny afternoon, in between recent thunderstorms.

Peonies and poppies are pretty well independent and self-sustaining once they get going; a little staking is all that's needed. Next year I will have to re-do the supports for these neighboring specimens.

I have been watching these lovely creatures all spring from the library window, waiting for the moment when the flower heads burst from their bulging pods.

Even the bees can't resist them.

Peonies are lovely things, with a beautifully delicate fragrance. After the rush of Hyacinth scent vanishes, these short-lived blossoms are a blessing.

Works of art, I tell ya.

Now you see why I have been bemoaning the fact that I haven't been able to work in the flowerbeds as much as I would like.

To anyone peeking in over Gram's and Maria's shoulders....welcome! If you copy these photos (you bunch of stinkers), please give credit where credit is due. Thank you.

Resume day

I spent the better part of yesterday online sending out resumes and cover letters (all electronic, of course), and received one fairly instantaneous reply. A good thing, no?

After an exchange of roughly 7 emails, I was called a number of hours later by the casting director for a project here in MI. I was buoyed, but apprehensive, as there are a number of caveats with this project.

The first (most notable) is that it isn't a film production, although it is being run by an Oscar winning editor and an award winning casting dir./producer.

The hours would be very long - 14 hours per day (4a.m. to 6p.m.) - every day! That means Sunday through Saturday for the duration of the project. "When?" you ask. Well, let me tell you. From July 12th through August 11th.

Now, there are a few light days - in the beginning - that will only be 'business hour long', but that will end on the 12th of July, when the project gets off the ground and the real "action" begins.

My first three days will be *July 9, *10 and *11, and will be pre-production work in casting, after that, I have the option to continue with the production and become a site PA - doing the grunt work.

Does not bother me. Bring it on!

Days *one, *two and *three pay $125 a day...so, all good. I will have to pay for my own room, however, so 'take home pay' not so good.

[See? For every good thing there is a minor drawback.]

Every day thereafter pays $150/day, including two meals, BUT there are no days off and the call time every day is 4a.m., and the end of my day would be roughly 6p.m.

The elements will be what they are - meaning I will be out in the sun, rain, mosquitoes, heat, cold, whatever, all the time - and shepherding the crowds of approximately 200 folks all day, every day! These things I can handle, even the grunt work portion...toting water, garbage, toilet paper (unused), and - I understand - picking up cigarette butts. [Repugnant thought, I must say with all honesty] The hard work doesn't bother me...it's exercise!

The cigarette butts thing is a little off-putting, though. I call it like I see it.

Pro/con.

Give/take.

Yea/nay.

I mean, it's six of one, half-dozen of the other. To be or not to be. You get where I'm goin'? Ya dig? Do you feel me?

Truly, the worst thoughts I have are of the boys being here alone for that month. I have been asked twice now to please consider remaining on as one of two PA's after the pre-prod work is done - really a cool thing to be asked by these folks. The biggest drawback is leaving the kids to their own devices for a month. Karl has class every Monday until mid-August, and I am his note taker/proctor. I am frightened by what may come of his chance to complete this course and do as well as he is able with Brian subbing for me. Will they be able to step up and work well together for the sake of the class and harmony at home, or would there be nothing but issues? I can't say for certain.

Will the grass get mowed, the trash taken out, the catbox cleaned DAILY and the cats fed without arguements? Dishes pile up and smells will take over, I fear.

The one giant piece standing in my way for the second portion - the longest stretch - is the whole where-to-stay issue. I would love to do this gig, as I can use the money and the possible networking opps (as well as the resume component), but I have to have a place to stay before I can accept the job.

So....... [trailing uncertainty]

I have already phoned the person working with the producer to give that much of an answer, and I am waiting to hear if they have a connection for me to call and look into for the chance of staying on base (as that was something mentioned in an email). At this time, however, I am treading water.

Stay tuned and I will keep you posted.

[Sadly, that was the only bite I had for all of the email I sent out this week - just thought you'd like to know.]

Oh, and I did have a bright bit of news regarding the camera position I had won right before the surgery - I finally got an answer from the producer (Brian K) as to whether I was still in the running because of the unfortunate timing et.al. He texted: "We are still counting on you being on the proj, and eager to have you work with us. Will be in touch soon, have been busy with editing." So you can see where accepting this other bit of work might throw a monkey wrench in things should work ever truly commence. ;^)

Finally! Somebody with some common green sense in Detroit

Green in between: Detroit alley to become earth-friendly experiment detnews.com The Detroit News . Place your cursor on the previous sentence and click the link to read the article.

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What an absolutely brilliant idea - and it's about time!

Just wondering

When was the last time you crossed your fingers?

Are you a pointer-over crosser...

...or a middle-over sort of person?

Hhmmmmm?

Of course, there's always the double crosser to put up with.

(Complete showoff!)

"FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Sir Wm. Wallace

Soooo many things to do, and so little time...and even smaller personal physical freedom to get 100% involved in my life and favorite pastimes. Like the gardening, just as one example. Due to the whole "recovery process," I am still being admonished about not bending at the waist, not applying pressure or stress to the abdominal area, and certainly not exercising it.

Well, when can I get more involved in my own life, and when can I start getting the ab area back into shape?

Hello!

This is all beginning to feel very counterproductive.

A major grocery expedition still needs doing, and all I get from the boys is guff and noise and excuses, compounded by stalling tactics. I remind them that they eat the groceries, they use the cleaning products and toilet paper, etc. Sometimes that seems to make a dent in their psyches. Sometimes.

I gave the boys a chore to do. Yes, and to compound the problem, I asked them to accomplish the task together. The inside of my car still looks like a teenagers floor! Ugh! And now, silly me, I need another set of cleaning tasks accomplished (quick, but dirty and very necessary - more moving items rather than cleaning, really), and even just asking this morning in anticipation of the coming disgruntled response, I was shocked at the new strategy employed.

The first to come was a definite pause and a stern head tilt and squint, followed by the verbal response: "Uh, when? I have to work. Can I do it when I get home tonight?"

Silly boy...you only work until 4pm, so no worries, and I need it completed before tomorrow at 1pm. So you see, plenty of time.

His next maneuver will be to remain gone long after his ending time, and well past mall closing time. I am on to his games.

This is why I want my freedom back. This is why I need my freedom...or at the very least, obedient unquestioning slaves.

Correction

It turns out my cousin hasn't posted a photo of her father on her Facebook site, and didn't describe him as being 74.

Nope. It was a photo of her 74 year old father-in-law! Just a tidge different

If you saw the photo I saw, you would swear it was her old man, and not her new old man's old man! LOL

I stand corrected. (Good thing she was laughing over it, too.)

Random silliness

Has it really been two days since my last spew? Well, let me spew on, McDuff.

I joined Facebook last month (maybe closer to two months ago), in addition to already having a spot in Myspace. Let me tell you, (last year) after about two weeks of user confusion and baffling site navigation, I pretty well gave up on the Myspace thing (plus, I can't remember my password or user name any longer, so going in and updating is impossible). So, I am just 'out there', in the Myspace realm, with my little gingerbread head photo marking my ID, aimlessly existing.

I am however, still trying to peek in on the Facebook place from time to time and keep up with the chatter and the silliness, and the tests, and the random "become a fan of [this]" pass-along's - and on and on and on. Oh my gosh, there's so much garbage! What happened to simply chatting and saying hello and sharing news and being communal? That site is just so much extemporaneous BS, what's the point? All the extra garbage they send and almost demand you pass along to 8 other friends...takes the need for truly writing a message out of the mix. Questions and real information seem to get lost in the barrage of quiz scores and 'what star am I most likely to bond with on Pluto?' photos. And you can't simply take a fun little questionnaire and post the final answer or score on your own space...nooooo. You MUST send it to 4, or 12, or 18 of your favorite people, and grant access to all of your contact info, etc.

I took one "I.Q." test that everyone else seems to have taken and posted, and at the end of it, it made you enter all sorts of personal (UNNECESSARY) information before your score would post. Well, I used fake info...and would you believe the silly thing kept kicking back to certain input spaces for "real" info? Aaarrgh! How did it know the data I gave wasn't my data? So I wouldn't give my real phone number or my birth date or my street address. It wasn't pertinent to posting my score, it only puts me on a mailing list, or makes it easy for a scammer to use me and mine some how.

When I opted to cancel the whole thing and back out of the test site, it said I was stupid, and that I didn't get any of the answers correct. Well, that's laughable...it was all old joke-type questions, like: "How many months have 28 days?"

We all know the answer is 12, right? Just stuff like that, which I have heard a million times, so I knew I had a darned good score. I am simply flabbergasted by the lengths these people will go to in order to elicit [our] information.

Bah!! Humbug, I say. Humbug!!

On another equally random subject - one of my many uncles turned 62 in May. I know this because he is seven years younger than my mother. Born in 1947, he is a young baby boomer (or an old baby boomer - depending upon your point of view). Maybe I should say he is an early baby boomer. Hmmm.

At any rate, his daughter posted a photo of her father blowing out his birthday candles and captioned it "My dad turning 74," or something very similar. The point is, she labeled him 74! How can you not know how old your father is? Seriously?! I almost fell off my chair - she aged him twelve years in a heartbeat. Even if she had the correct decade, he would still be 2 years older by her count.

Ah, my cousins are funny. Like the fact I still need to correct some of them who insist on calling me "aunt" Beth when I am a cousin. Just because I am the second eldest of the lot of us doesn't arbitrarily make me an aunt!

For crying out loud. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzI'm just saying. :^P

See? Random silliness. Enjoy your day, people. Hugs all 'round.

Today is beautiful

It started off calm and cool, and sunny, sunny, sunny, although it looks as though we had sprinkles overnight.

As I was sitting in the library going through my email, looking for work and performing some general internet perusing, it became suddenly breezy. On the whole a breeze doesn't bother me, but it was noticeably cooler than it needed to be, and because I had opened windows all around the house for the fresh air, it affected the thermostat and turned the heat on!

Now that's a cool breeze!

So, for the time being, I have turned off the furnace and closed the windows (most of them) until the air temperature warms up enough to allow for that lil' spring breeze to rifle through the house.

Ah, springtime in MI...snows when it's 50*F, rains when it's sunny and wrecks anything crunchy with its humidity. :^)

My "to-do" list is relatively long as I am still trying to talk down the additional bills from the emergency surgery, Good heavens, did you know that everybody gets paid twice?!? Sure - the radiologist is asking for money outside of the hospital bill. As is the anesthesiologist, the tech who took the x-rays, the doctor who assisted the surgeon, the CT tech, and the ER doc who saw me from 6pm on Thursday until he left somewhere early the next day. There are more, but why should you suffer an anxiety attack? Are you telling me that these folks don't get an hourly wage from the hospital for being there from 7am to 7pm (or, whatever their shift is)? What if nobody comes through the doors during their shift? Are you telling me that they work for free?

Yeah, I don't think so. [sgnort!]

I am going to open the window in here again. I need that stiff breeze to keep me from crying.

As Fred Rogers was fond of saying: "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood."

Ahh, June 1st

In years past, I would have sent a birthday card to my stepmother (first stepmom), but since Bev passed on earlier this year I am sending cosmic thoughts and wishes to her.

The new recipient of the June first b-day card is Barb J, my eldest sons former girlfriend.

Happy Birthday, Barbra Melba-toast Yule-log Maybelline Janiski!

Her mom and I became friends before the kids' first breakup, and we have remained friends ever since.

It's been a fairly symbiotic relationship over the last two years or so, with Jean needing answers to divorce questions and her providing a sounding board for me during the early months of my work separation and on through to the present. When staying at her family home was next to impossible during the divorce proceedings (with her ex-dolt there), she would periodically make our home a place to come - she has several friends who afforded this sort of refuge.

If I had had that sort of option, I would have done the same thing way back when.

While I was attending Specs, she would routinely stay in Clarkston and helped with getting Karl here and there, getting pizza or Chinese food and critiquing my assignments, and keeping Brian on task. (Kids will often talk to adults who aren't their parents...go figure.)

What does all of this have to do with June first?

Nothing, really, except she has been the first real friend I have had since before my own divorce, and it took me years to achieve that. Since then I have made other friendships, but I do so sparingly, and with great trepidation.

Over my lifetime I have found that friendships do not last, no matter how much I put into keeping them going. I can have all sorts of good intentions, but the effort has to be mutual, and I have never had a good friendship last past a move out of town, a graduation, lives and business interfering, etc. So my recourse over time has simply been to refrain from becoming attached to anyone so as to avoid the painful part of losing that friendship.

I do not like goodbyes, so in order to avoid them, I have learned to avoid the hello portion, too. I know this means missing out on some really good opportunities from time to time, and at first glance this may seem like a strange way to conduct one's life, I have found it to save the larger portions of my heart that remain from breaking and being ground to dust.

Self-preservation and the first of June are a bitch.