How?

How can I expect/ask my son to "grow up' when the petulant turd, who planted the seed of creation (A.K.A. "biological paternal unit"), hasn't yet done so?

Edited
FYI - I was going to add the word 'festering' in front of "petulant turd" and use the phrase "sperm donor" at the A.K.A. description, but I know that all wouldn't have set well with my mother (if she read it)...so, out of deference to her, I toned it down (as much as I could).

But, I really struggled with the whole 'whom' versus "who" thing. Hope I ultimately got it right. And (just so you know) I really hate beginning sentences with "but" and "and" - it's just so incorrect.