Seriously. What is the matter with people?
Why do people think it is OK to prey on others who are legitimately looking for legitimate work?
HEY! I am an intelligent human who truly wants to work for a paycheck. Stop screwing with me!
I responded to an employment ad yesterday, and received a reply this morning. Should have known that was too good to be true; and then I read the first line of the response:
"My name is Lauren Gilbert, 49yrs old,married with 2 kids, I'm currently lecturing college students on constructions."
Yes, this is how it was typed and sent to me. You should know I am a bit of a "nazi" when it comes to correct spelling, punctuation, spacing....in general - composition. This first sentence did not bode well for my future employment with "Peggy."
"I need someone to work with me from his or her home as assistant to monitor and keep me up to date with my online activities that all."
Important to note here, that the key phrases are: "from...home" and "online activities."
"Duties and Requirements:
Process all owner distribution batches – print checks, statements and mail on a timely basis.
checking store supplies [from my home?] and placing orders
Type various letters ,Prepare 3 Day Notices.
Retrieve and process faxes
Deposit and monitor payments of all owner contributions."
What sort of business do you run, Peggy?
"Available during regular business hours [nothing seems 'regular' with this]
Organized and able to take instructions well
Dependable, Reliable, Trustworthy a must
Excellent English language skills (both spoken and written)
Must have good attention to detail
[Let me stop you here, chump. My attention to detail has me questioning this whole 'job thing'.]
Must be a problem solver and not a problem maker
Have great work ethic and attitude, as well as people skills
pay-attention to detail, [um...you said this already] capable of multi-tasking, and works well under stress at times."
"Am out of state for now on business, I'll be back in next two weeks as i want you to start working for me prior my arrival and I do have numbers of things you could help me with this week if you will be available to start.This can act as a stable foundation to our working relationship together."
Code for: "You will do what I say and expect compensation on a regular basis. What you don't know is that your first check will be held up because you began working between pay periods. Oops, then it will turn out that your 'paperwork' wasn't processed properly. Then, your check will become "lost" in the mail...but don't worry about it, we'll get caught up. Finally, by the time you realize you've been working for a scam artist, I will have made your life a living hell by using your email, your name and personal info to wreak havoc on your credit and good name."
"I have first task waiting for you to know if you are ready to work.
I want to know if you own any of this office equipments list you need to start this position:
Printer:
Personal Laptop/Desktop:
Internet Access: [Hello! aren't we emailing each other...on computers?]
Scanner:
Calculator:
If you have any of this office equipments let me know also fill the application form below.
APPLICATION FORM
First Name :
Last Name:
Full Street Address(not po box) :
City, State, Zip Code:
Cell Phone Number:
Home Phone Number:
Email:
Age:
Sex: [will let you insert your own snarky comment]
Status:
Yahoo Messenger ID:
Note:If you do not have yahoo ID set-up one to chat with me online.
Nationality___________________
Current Job:__________________________
Are you eligible to work in the United States?Yes____ No_____
If you are under age 18, do you have an employment/age certificate?Yes___ No___
POSITION/AVAILABILITY:
Position Applied For_________________ [You mean you don't know, Peggy?]
How often do you check your email:______________
What date are you available to start work?________________
Thanks so much."
Oh, no, Peggy. Thank YOU so much.
I just want a job...is that too much to ask?
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